From Paoulo Coelho's blog:

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them;
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back;
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I’ve learned that you can get by on charm, for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something;
I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I’ve learned that no matter how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take it’s place.
I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re downhill are the ones to help you get back up.
I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry.
I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean that they don’t love you with all they have.
I’ve learned that maturity had more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
I’ve learned that your family won’t always be there for you.
I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while.
I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself.
I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
I’ve learned that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will get hurt in the process.
I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.
I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe.

As he arrives he seeks her out. He finds her in the arms of her best friend, deep in conversation.

She looks up and notices him. Their eyes meet across the room and she senses, rather than sees him light up as her vision is limited without her glasses. But in this light, his face was suddenly vibrant and mischevious and so alive.

She smiles at him and he can't help the grin that slowly spreads across his face. In time, he notices infinitesimally the slight downturn of her lips and reads the microexpression he'd somehow managed to miss before.

He controls his grin and the lights begin to dim. He smiles at her but this is somehow different; a little less real, a little less alive. He understands and turns away.

She watches his eyes crinkle with disappointment and knows the regret he tries to hide behind his unhappy smile. She watches as he turns to walk away. Watches because she's told him, she is simply not ready.

His footsteps are heavy and slow. He drifts through, heading inexorably for the exit. He wishes she would come after him. But he knows she won't. He knows she is okay without him. He knows simply because she told him her feelings for him just weren't as strong as his for her.

Life goes on, and they can both but wonder.

Of humble pie and being patient.

Humility is a lesson life beats into us time and time again. Refuse to learn and eventually the lessons come around again and again. Even when you think you have learned it, there will always be times in life where you find yourself eating modest, humble pie.

It is said that pride comes before a fall, but it is always that fall which gives me clarity. It reminds me of just how friable and tenuous the strings we use to tie our lives together really are. It reminds me also that no matter what I face in life, if I am able to subdue my arrogance, put my head down and work through the feelings, I come out the other end having learned some lessons and am a better person for it.

The price of humility is patience. Patience in biding your time, patience in absorbing adversity and letting it strengthen you, rather than break you, and patience in never being in a rush to understand or to get an answer, because some things, like life, just take time.

The question then is, how long would you wait to see if something happens? How much of your life would you bet on the potential of something amazing? What, to you, is worth waiting a lifetime for, even if it doesn't arrive?

If she is amazing and just about the essence of everything you've ever wanted, wouldn't you wait too? And yet, if the reverse was true, would you still have to wait? Or might waiting make the reverse true?

Time is inexorable, and in the grand scheme of it all, our one life is just that. And yet, it is because we have such a limited life to live that we appreciate and enjoy it so much.

Life lessons for the day: Eat humble pie with someone else, wait for the things that are worth it to you and enjoy the time you have been given.

All the fears you feel inside,
and all the tears you cry,
they're ending right here.
I'll heal your heart and soul;
I'll keep you oh so close.
Don't worry; I'll never let you fall.

What do you want to do with your life?

I want to make a difference, but time and time again, this feels inadequate, incomplete without someone there to be proud of me, to stand beside me whatever happens, and someone there to share the difficult times, the easy times and the hard times.

I know where I want to go, I may not know exactly how I am going to achieve these things in life that I want to do, but I believe I am already on that journey. Whether I will take the quickest roads, of indeed even the right roads, I sometimes question.

But I feel like the best way to find out is to just pick one and run! Rather than standing back and wondering, rather than imagining what could be at the other end, follow your gut, take the risk, and just run. Forget the destination because in the end, life takes you where it will no matter how you fight it and I would rather be there having travelled down many wrong paths than having never moved from where you started, stagnant and unwilling to make a choice.

At the end of the day, maybe i havent experienced enough failure to be bitter. Maybe i haven't been disappointed enough to be disillusioned, or maybe I havent been put down enough to realise when to give up.

But it would be a dark day in my life if ever i were to lose the will to live with such reckless abandon, willing to be hurt in the name of experience, willing to put myself on the line for the sake of living. That come-what-may, devil-may-care persona is what I love about who I have become today and it helps me stumble through the challenges which life throws at me not unscathed, but bearing the marks of a veteran.

I want to always live by what Simba once said.."Danger? I laugh in the face of danger!" and be like the child who lives to learn that every chastisement, every hurt is just encouragement to try harder or just as hard and never lose that naive notion that nothing is impossible if I want it badly enough.

And I assure you, I do.

Life changes you in so many ways that you could never expect or even imagine.

Have you ever thought, "hey I wish I could be that guy!" Well actually, you really can. And while this sounds like the beginning of an advert, trust me it's not.

All you have to do is give yourself that kick in the arse, pick yourself up and do it. Live life on the edge, remember that you have guts and that embarrassment doesn't medically kill you. I have to remind myself that constantly!

It's amazing how meeting new people and talking to old friends have that same exhilarating quality about it. Maybe one day I'll get over that novelty, but i hope i never do because it's just so cool to make a connection and find out more and more about someone whether you totally don't know them or you know them so well that you'd never expected to find something out about them.

Now I don't do it all the time, but my dad's been my inspiration in this department. He's a great role model in that over the years he has learned how not to be shy to speak his mind, to ask questions and to stand up for himself, and I really do believe that it's rubbed off on RC and I at least a little (probably her more than me). So thank you dad!

Thoughts in my mind going at a million miles an hour,
Yet there you float,
appearing disappearing, somersaulting and whirling just as you please.

If we're really done,
why is it so hard to keep you out of my head,
If we're really through,
why does everything remind me of you?

If i'm really over you,
Is it just habit that I feel so bad when I know you're hurt
Maybe like no one else ever will.

If love is really dead,
Why do i feel so sick inside
Knowing we've had our shot
Realising that life goes on.

If we've made up our minds,
Why are you in every song I hear?
Why don't I stop trying to be the one
To make you smile, To make you laugh
and never to make you cry.

If you're not the one..
Why?

I haven't been happy. If I'm being honest with myself, I haven't been truly happy for any extended period of time since then and I know why. I've laughed, I've lived, I've played, I've worked, but the fire in my eyes, the drive in my life. It's not there anymore.

I have tried to be okay, but the truth is I'm not. I'm not okay and who knows if I ever will be again.

But growing up and being an adult comes from learning lessons. Hurting is a lesson, maybe one of the best teachers of life. Growing up means taking the hurt like a man and straining to see through it to the lesson you're meant to learn. It means living with the consequences of your actions, your pride and your principles.

I wish I could say I was happy for her, but I cannot help but wonder why, and be more than a little offended.

But still, I am not okay.