Life changes you in so many ways that you could never expect or even imagine.

Have you ever thought, "hey I wish I could be that guy!" Well actually, you really can. And while this sounds like the beginning of an advert, trust me it's not.

All you have to do is give yourself that kick in the arse, pick yourself up and do it. Live life on the edge, remember that you have guts and that embarrassment doesn't medically kill you. I have to remind myself that constantly!

It's amazing how meeting new people and talking to old friends have that same exhilarating quality about it. Maybe one day I'll get over that novelty, but i hope i never do because it's just so cool to make a connection and find out more and more about someone whether you totally don't know them or you know them so well that you'd never expected to find something out about them.

Now I don't do it all the time, but my dad's been my inspiration in this department. He's a great role model in that over the years he has learned how not to be shy to speak his mind, to ask questions and to stand up for himself, and I really do believe that it's rubbed off on RC and I at least a little (probably her more than me). So thank you dad!

Thoughts in my mind going at a million miles an hour,
Yet there you float,
appearing disappearing, somersaulting and whirling just as you please.

If we're really done,
why is it so hard to keep you out of my head,
If we're really through,
why does everything remind me of you?

If i'm really over you,
Is it just habit that I feel so bad when I know you're hurt
Maybe like no one else ever will.

If love is really dead,
Why do i feel so sick inside
Knowing we've had our shot
Realising that life goes on.

If we've made up our minds,
Why are you in every song I hear?
Why don't I stop trying to be the one
To make you smile, To make you laugh
and never to make you cry.

If you're not the one..
Why?

I haven't been happy. If I'm being honest with myself, I haven't been truly happy for any extended period of time since then and I know why. I've laughed, I've lived, I've played, I've worked, but the fire in my eyes, the drive in my life. It's not there anymore.

I have tried to be okay, but the truth is I'm not. I'm not okay and who knows if I ever will be again.

But growing up and being an adult comes from learning lessons. Hurting is a lesson, maybe one of the best teachers of life. Growing up means taking the hurt like a man and straining to see through it to the lesson you're meant to learn. It means living with the consequences of your actions, your pride and your principles.

I wish I could say I was happy for her, but I cannot help but wonder why, and be more than a little offended.

But still, I am not okay.