"Surrounded by a million people I still feel all alone."

The lyrics of Michael Buble's Home have never seem more appropriate than now. Don't get me wrong, i really appreciate my friends here in Malaysia, and a part of me's glad to be back with them all, but somehow, in the midst of all the people, i still feel like the most important one is missing, like i left a part of me back in NZ, and forgot to bring it over.

It's just, everything doesn't seem as pretty, the sun doesn't shine as bright nor the sky look as blue without her around. Or maybe i don't really notice that much because nothing seems as significant as the absence of her in my life, by my side, or just a few minutes away.

I'm not depressed or anything. I really am happy to be back among friends of old, but i desperately, dearly do miss her so much.

Oh yeah!

Med school, here i come! Results came out today..i'm in!

The Good Ol' Days...

Do you guys remember those days? The really "good ol' days"...

Back when we moved into a tiny lil air conditioned KH room, when we used to fight during lunch breaks and Jho and stuff would play skipping rope, and i joined sometimes actually.

Remember the time when Teck Eng punched GL in the stomach and he bled everywhere, and before that of me headbutting him and the same thing happening?

Remember playing pepsi cola 'til the last seconds of break, and badminton in the corridors, with shuttles bouncing off the roof and all that?

In standard 5, when the wrestling mania started, remember how Armand was never seen without a sock on his hand? Remember how shashi punched GL's face and there was probably a table full of blood?

Then in Standard 6, Pokemon cards became popular. Daryl and KK came into class, and we all learnt how to swear, and started to fight again with KK's "Ham Chuen Sou". Remember how Shashi got Chokeslammed by Daryl, and how we used to sneak cards in to play before extra class, and how Jason tried to chokeslam someone and broke his arm? Remember how Zaid had a crush on Hannah, and Armand on Stephani, and how Jho and Liyana were like couple of the year?

Haha, so many memories came back to me just there. You guys are welcome to share if you've got any that i've missed out, which i'm sure i have thru this really brief post.

Also, i just had my interview on thurs. I feel it went alright, but so did everyone else with theirs, so i don't know yet. Results will be out on 20th, fingers crossed and pray for me guys!

What if the one thing you want in the world, is the one thing you can't have?

Is there such thing as "can't have"? Really, is nothing unachievable if we want, try and believe hard enough? I used to believe no, but my beliefs are being tested now. Nothing seems to be working, the timing is all wrong, the circumstances aren't the best, and the how wasn't exactly fairytale. But oh, the what, the who, the where..it all feels so right.

So right that I am left wondering if it really is healthy to want something so much you'd go through hell and back, literally, just to have it. It's true isn't it? If we want something enough, we'll go through all the trouble necessary and never complain, endure hardships and not break, face all our fears and barely even flinch.

But what if it's not enough? What then..?

I miss you. I need your hand to hold mine, i need the warmth and security of your embrace, then love and tenderness of your touch, and the kind and caring forgiveness from your big heart.

Got my interview.

13. 12. 2007

9.00-9.35 am

and gotta be there 20 mins early. Wish me luck!!

A Day of Firsts

First time i had a hand in setting up a christmas tree, and lights! First time i wished i didn't have to go back to Malaysia. First time watching to the end an Indian movie.

Have to go back and take more pics of the tree :P

Damnit!

Grrr...sprained my ankle again. This time the left side. Hurts like a mother.

On the bright side, had one of the best afternoons of my life =)

Mahinepua

I hope you know how to pronounce that, 'coz i sure as hell don't!

Seriously though, we went up north to that place for a 3d2n stay at a batch and just to sit on the beach and bum. It took a 3.5 hour, super long and sorta sleepy car ride to get there, through gravel and mud and road, but when we got there, the batch was spectacular, and the views breathtaking. To top it all off, we had the entire stretch of the beach cove almost to ourselves, with only a random assortment of between 3-5 ppl at a time coming and going sometimes. The biggest bummer though, was that while the sands were hot enough to burn, the water was freezing cold, and so was the wind, so we only got into the water just the once, and then played volleyball and touch along the beach all the other times.

Ok, i will let the pictures do the rest of the talking.

More holiday pics...

So we've been going out quite a bit lately. Thought i might share some MORE pics, to make up for previous inactivity during uni period, which..no time at all to blog :P

I thought i'd begin by actually introducing my friends here =)

On sunday, we went for dinner, played some pool and then had drinks at a milk tea place. In the pics that i got, here are:

Well, first off..Me?

Tiffany

Quin and Seran

Bernard

Mitchell and Leo

Rachel and Jin

Quin

Mitchell

And Quin said to show you guys how clean food courts in NZ look like compared to Malaysia(just 'coz she's Malaysian too).

There are heaps more pictures, but i've posted them up on my bebo page, which i think everyone should get so i can just add all you guys =). Here's the link if anyone's interested.

www.bebo.com/xia3

On another note, i'll be flying back either 20th or 27th Dec. Really hoping for 27th so i can spend christmas here, and it's so late coz i've hopefully got an interview to go to anytime between 1st - 19th Dec for med school, so i'll definitely be back for New Years though. Also, it'd be great if those of you flying off would leave me your planned dates of departure, so hopefully we can get together and do something before then.

Cheers!

Hello people! As promised, this is a picture of NZ =) This is Browns Bay, a beach area really close to where i live. And just to remind yous that i'm alive, there is my very healthy(and NOT dry) foot. On the bottom is another pic from Browns Bay, without the distortion of a foot. This was taken today, and the weather was perfect for a day out!

I guess we could say it's about time i wrote in here again. It's been a long, eventful semester, and right now, i'm finally almost done. Exams came and are almost gone, i've got just an English paper left on Wednesday(For those of you who think it's peanuts, think again, i've been getting B+s and the occasional A).

Now again it's time for some self reflection. It's gotten to the point where i really need to take a step back i think, and just think. About life, about love, about the future, and about just me..maybe.

So what DO you do, if the one thing you really want may just be the one thing you can never have?

Have you ever wanted something so much that physically it hurts to think that it might not happen after all, mentally, you can't even conceive the fact that it won't, and your whole self just yearns and burns for it, yet..you wonder if it's all for nothing, and if after all that, things just weren't meant to happen the way you want them to?

What are we meant to do then? I would say try anyway, give it your best shot, and just hang it all, see what happens, but it's a very scary experience, to try and try, never knowing if there's really hope at all in the end, never knowing if what you're really doing is just making things worse, trying so hard only to fail.

It's been said it's better to look on the bright side, and never on the dark, but if you don't consider the dark, who will? Am i just really being afraid of failing, or afraid of not trying? I don't know, i really don't.

I think i've changed for the better from the two years i've spent here. Temper's gone down, my countanence has mellowed, i'm nicer and basically just more of an optimistic, better person, and it's reaped rewards i know. Good things happen to good people, it's true, just not all the time, but we've got to live with it, coz that's the way life is isn't it? Yet, fundamentally, i am the same person, and sometimes, in the face of possible despair, it makes me wonder if that's enough.

Well, enough of that for now. If you're reading this, i'm sorry it sounded so hopeless. I just had to get it out somehow, this dark, down feeling inside me, and hope that my up comes soon enough.

On a lighter note, now that exams are kinda over, time to kick back and relax! Maybe get a job(hopefully), and then..it's back to Malaysia for holidays too =). Looking forward to seeing all of yous, even though there are people here i really don't wanna leave behind.

So, til then, see ya in the next post, which hopefully will come soon.

Mid Term Break!

6 weeks of uni came and gone. Been a pretty frustrating semester so far. Boring subjects like Physics, Biochem and English. Medsci pretty interesting though. So, holidays came, and holidays went. Here's what we did in the break!
First night out: Karaoke and dinner with IC ppl. Going in, i was sorta tentative coz i didn't really know a lot of them very well, but coming out, i had so much fun! =) Next night out, Quin's birthday. We had dinner at La Porchetta, and then went Ice Skating! Unbelievably, i managed to move a lil on the ice :P, although i did fall flat on my arse about 10 times!

Then, last Sat, we went to a ball organised by the Kiwi Asian Club. 70 bucks entrance fee! Food was pretty alright, standard fare for buffet, though a little sparse. But dessert was bloody awesome! When i saw it, i wish i hadn't had dinner. Grr..

Overall though, the ball was pretty boring 'coz most of us weren't members, but it wasn't really any different from Prefects' Nites and stuffs we'd organised in the past, except for one thing. There was dancing at the end. Blame it on GL, but hey, i had heck of a lotta fun dancing, after that clubbing experience, though i really dunno how well i did it. But, i made new friends =) Or should i say, better old friends.

First 2 are preball pics from Quin's place and then some pics of Jeremy and stuff getting wasted at Rach's place afterwards. Next few are pics actually taken during the ball. I'd like to be able to label all the ppl there, but..too many laaaa! If you're interested in who's who..ask only la =p.

Anyway, uni 2morrow. I must get sleeping, and studying for tuesday's medsci test(VERY important!). Ciao!

Melaka Trip

So, one day, we decided to pop by our very own Bandar Bersejarah Melaka for a visit. Pretty hastily organised trip, but we ate our hearts out, and took pics to the max. For those of you who were wondering why so many pics were taken..here is the reason.

Then, we got back to OU, and saw MLTR performing. Pretty crazy day eh?

Malaysia Part II (July)

So, i am LOOOONG overdue an update on this blog.

Sorry guys, i can explain. Assignments, tests n stuff just caught up to me. Well, not really. At first, it was just procrastination, then i finally wanted to update, but realised i couldn't possibly upload ALL my pics, so i was gonna ask jho to pass me his software. THENN..assignments and tests caught up to me. But that's all in the past. You guys do forgive me right? =) I know you will eventually, being good friends that you are.

Alright, time to pick up where i left off!

Saturday, 30th June: Transformers! Robots in disguise....

Together with 300, definitely a contender for movie of the year in my books. It's got it all, the hot babe, the action sequences to-die-for, the beautiful-but-unbelievable animation quality, the comedy, and so much more..the WORKS!!

Sunday, 1st July: Had the most amazing musical experience ever. Ok, i've just never been to a concert, but i really don't know if screaming and being body slammed into so many other people can really live up to the awesome experience of simply sitting and listening to 30 over people doing what they do best-make beautiful music. Another plus would be watching it with 8 of your closest friends. Then, we capped off the night with a visit to our favourite place, Starbucks. Cue the pics!

So those are ALL the pics my camera took on the night. As to why there are so many pics of me, ask Jeremy. He took most of the pics at Starbucks. I'm sorry if anyone's pic isn't up as regularly as they'd like it to be, that's just the way it is. BLEH! =P

Monday, 3rd July: Truthfully, i can't quite remember what happened anymore. I know i had a quiet day in, and went out for dinner with my parents. And a dental appointment, on my birthday, how nice. Lol.

Tuesday, 4th July: Class reunion. Once again, as we do every half a year or so, we called a class reunion. 5A 2005, and friends meet up at Soul'd Out, and we just had dinner and a total blast together! Somehow, they managed to turn it into an excuse to celebrate my birthday too, and i had a Flaming Lamborgini, which is really quite the sight to behold. I really had a great time that night, catching up with old friends, getting reacquainted and surprisingly, even getting to know a couple people just that little bit better. What with everyone going overseas and all, i think we really needa call a few more reunions and SOON.
As they say, pictures speak a thousand words, so i'll spare u my words and give u my pictures.

Ok, so i've run outta pics. And stimuli. So i can't for the life of me remember exactly when what happened. All i know is, somewhere along the way, i played LOADS of futsal, even once with ex-Bestarians, Melati and co, then watched Harry Potter, which was somewhat of a letdown, except for the fact that i really liked the casting for Luna and Kingsley, and of course, the very beautiful, very much grown up Emma Watson. Stupid director made the whole movie about Harry tho, taking away the focus of the book completely.

Then, one of the days, we went to sample KL's clubbing scene. Myself, GL, Shashi, Aaron, Thebban and Faz met up with Shashi's college friend and went to Maison's for kicks. It was actually pretty fun, except for the fact that the place completely stank of cigarettes! We drank, attempted to dance, and checked out tons of chicks. At the risk of sounding a little crude, there weren't really that many hot ones. By my count, there were maybe 2-3 present on the dancefloor that night. At 2.45 am, we left the club, and went to mamak. After that, being pretty much wasted from the dancing and alcohol, we all headed home. I slept over at GL's place, and was completely totaled the very next day.

Ahhh...good times~

Ps: I thought the Melaka trip deserved a post on its own, so that's coming up next! I'm on hols now, so should be easier for me to keep updated pretty regularly. I have a lotta catching up to do anyway. Also, once i get the pics from NZ holiday outings, i'll be posting them up here as well. Laters!!

Malaysia - It's a Wrap!(Part 1: June)

As earlier mentioned, I was back in tanah tumpahnya darahku, good ol' Malaysia as recently as 2 days ago, for a month long holiday, and here's the long and short of it-finally!(as some might say..a bit overdue :P) And..it comes with pictures and all!

Friday, June 15th: I am HOME! Shashi and Thebban picked me up at the airport, even through rain and howling winds(which incidentally started literally once my plane touched the ground). It was awesome of them to do that. After about 6 months, it felt really good to see familiar faces, instead of having to wait til i got home and then came out again. Straight from there, we went for breakfast, then to watch Fantastic4, on its premiere date too! DW and Kenneth came out to watch and have lunch with as well. Seeing as how movie tickets only cost like NZD2 something, i'd say..very good start to the holiday. =)

Saturday, June 16th: Futsal! 3 long months my legs itched to play with the whole futsal gang. Unfortunately, pancit-ed very early, thanks to months of not really running at all. Still, soldiered on, and played as much as I could.

Sunday, June 17th: Family day! Slept in and then spent the day with dad. Went for a good lunch with Shashi's parents, and then went to my grandma's place for dinner. Wished dad a happy father's day!

Monday, June 18th-Friday June 22nd: Uneventful week really. Went to HELP college's SVC coz Karen and Shashi asked me to. Other than that, stayed home and went to play squash and normal stuff like that 'coz everyone else had exams and also dad had to use the car.

Saturday, June 23rd: A very tragic day. Once again, Vincent was at fault as DW got injured again. It happened just as I arrived at NPNG to play futsal. Somehow, the very f****in hard ball whacked him in the face, and displaced his glasses, causing a huge gash above his right eyelid, causing him to need 7 stitches to rectify it. The mood after that was sorta dampened as we played 4 vs 4, and simply scored goals every which how we please.

Sunday, June 24th: Went to teman Aaron all the way to Bukit Jalil to watch Cheer '07. Truthfully, I had nothing better to do, and he just wanted to be there to support his girl. Anyway, as promised, i finally have pictures!

Didn't have any of our team though, since i took a video of them (just coz you asked 3na..all her fault ppl.), but Falcons did really really well, finishing an impressive 7th outta 40 teams, beating more experienced teams like Xavier and Sellors on the way, so i gotta say..well done!


Thursday, 28th June: Steamboat, my place! This time, i DO have pictures..TONS of them.

Wahhhh...Yummmyyy!

And the party takes a turn for the better worse! Can u tell whose hand that is?(Hint:Look at the watch!)

Malaysia, proud to present our very own, hand groomed, mahjong playing Indian!

Argh, blogger's being annoying with pictures. It's taking me AGES and AGES to get even these 4 up. I guess i'm done for now then. I've gotten to almost the end of June. Coming up next in part 2! MPO, Reunion, Melaka, Clubbing, Transformers, Harry Potter, more futsal, and so much more. Tune in to find out!

Spot the missing Starbucks.

Introducing...Ian and the Starbucks Gang. Actually, went for HELP's Summer Variety Concert yesterday, and hung out with these guys at the campus. Jeremy's missing, 'coz he had to go to class while the rest of us drank it up at Starbucks. So, already noticed who's not got a starbucks? No prizes for guessing though, too easy this one really.

Ok, so that was a quickie. Laters!

I'm Back!

Yup, you heard it. 2 flights and almost 24 hours later, i'm finally home!

Watched Fantastic 4 with Thebban, Shashi, Dao Wen and Kenneth today. Had to get a new number too, coz my old one seems like it screwed up on me.

017-3565028, you know what to do. =)

Done.

BOOM!

Havent updated in AGES! Finally, finished my exams today. That's it, semester 1..Over..Done.

Looking forward to getting home now, spending time with all you ppl in Malaysia =) I fly Thurs noon, reaching on Fri morning. Woohooo!!

Heroes!!

OMG! Heroes just finished season 1. And it's SOOOO Good!

I won't say anything to spoil it for those of you who watch it. I just needed to vent it, and no one's online to talk to about it right now.

For those of you who haven't seen it, or even worse..never heard of it(*gasp* have you been living under a rock or something?), it is AWESOME. You won't regret picking it up. Imho, best time would be now, when Season 1's just completed.

On another note, *sigh* Grey's finished as well, really random and pretty sad ending. Total plot twist, 180 and all that. Can't wait for the Addison show to come out tho, Private Practice i hear it's called.

Ps: Brunette Claire is SO F-I-N-E!!
Also, Micah uses Skype, not MSN. I wonder why...

Happy Mother's Day

Dedicated to all mothers in the world, especially mine.

Happy Mother's Day!

Just smile =)

I'd forgotten how good it feels when someone smiles at you.
And i don't mean the coincidental smile, the one where you just happen to look when they're smiling, or the tentative smile which says, shyly,
"Hey, I know I know you, but stop looking at me.",
or even the smile which tells you that your last joke was at least a little bit funny.

I'm talking about the smile directed at you and for you. The smile which says, "Thank you." in its sincerest form. The kind that kinda brightens your day just that little bit more, makes you feel just that little bit better inside, and for that briefest moment, just makes you think, "Hey, I might have just done something good here." (Not that i don't do good often or anything :P)

I recently went to observe a shift of this volunteer group called the FEDs, Friends of the Emergency Department. Basically, what i did was pretty simple-deliver food to patients, make them coffee and watch the actual FEDs talk to the patients. But somehow, it made me feel just a little bit happier inside when they smile and say Thank you, or basically just smile when you give them food and offer them help. I know, this may sound sorta melodramatic or blown outta proportion, but i'm not really exaggerating a lot. It's true! I don't know why, maybe it's the fact that they're in pain, maybe it's the fact that they've been hurt, or for some other inexplicable reason, people in there are really nice and VERY appreciative of whatever you try to do for them, which is not exactly very common in everyday life. It's just..a good feeling, and it's pretty hard to describe, but definitely one i haven't felt in quite a while.

I really really want to keep doing this volunteer stuff, and i do regret not getting that involved back in Malaysia when i had so many chances, but there are drawbacks. Firstly, it's 4 hours a week. That's quite a long period of time to be spending in one place, specially one like the emergency ward. Plus, it'll be a challenge, not knowing anyone at all there. Secondly, from what i gather, most of the volunteers are pretty old, like 60 or 65++. It's not that i have anything against them, but it's not like it'll be very easy to fall into that sorta crowd and stuff. So yeah, gonna have to take some time and really think about whether i am prepared to commit to it, as i really don't want to start something and then give it up halfway.

Anyways, i watched Spiderman 3 yesterday. I must say, it was really..plot driven. It was jam packed with villains, action, and every possible plot bunny the director could squeeze into that 2 and a half hours of film. That's not to say i didnt enjoy it. In fact, i think it was better than the first two, the second of which some people claim to be the best, but i found really boring and dull.

Aside from that, Mothers' Day is coming soon. I have no idea what to get my mom. My sis and i have been discussing, but as for actually buying, no ideas yet. I have got something written up, so hopefully my sis will come thru with the card, and then all that's left will be an actual gift. Ideas anybody??

Oh, also, hopefully..i'll be back early in the mid sem break, maybe about as early as 17th of june. Extend my holiday as long as i can! Looking forward to it =), but first..gotta do well in my exams. Got 2 tests coming soon, and finals in june. Getting ready to go hard again. Honestly, this is my all or nothing year. Have to get into med school. No matter What.

I Believe - Celine Dion & Il Divo

Call me a bit slow. I've just taken my first listen of this song yesterday, and i can't get enough. It's THAT awesome! I mean, when you listen to it, it's hard to believe it's not lipsynched-it seems impossible for such voices to come from people who don't look like they're trying at all, but i really don't think it's synched at all. They're just that good.

Easter Break!

As some of you already know, i have been quite the geek this first term in uni, studying day and night and night and day. So easter is finally here! Honestly, a much needed(and i believe, deserved) break. But hey, i don't think you can blame me. I got 89 on my chem test, and guess what? I know SEVERAL ppl who got 97s and such.

Anyhow, as an end to my geeky little rant, here's my bio embryo model. It's pretty sweet, if i may say so myself. I'm actually quite proud of it, considering i'm such absolute crap at art and crafts. Apparently, it was good enough to score me a 9/10. Not as good as the girls, but still..good 'nuff for me i reckon :p
Anyways, here's to the holidays, and hopefully i'll be able to settle on a place to volunteer at by the end of the next 2 weeks. Laters!

Random Update!

Haha, i figure it's been long overdue an update anyways.

So yeah, been pretty busy having no life whatsoever and studying day in and day out. Honestly, i would say uni is by no means a cakewalk. I have never studied so hard in my life!

Seriously, some of you might not believe me, but other than for PMR(which i started studying for 2 months earlier), i've never actually seriously studied hard out less than a month before my exams. And now, here i am, actually studying(or trying to..) every single day, doing lecture preparations(yep, ONLY preps. No time for reviews on a daily basis). I've become such a study person that when i get bored, i automatically think, "Hmm, i'm not really doing anything now. Maybe i should study."

Something is VERY wrong with me.

Yep, tests are coming as well. Some are pretty big, worth about 30+% of my final grade, so..going even more hard out. Anything to get into med school really, and it's not just me. There have been people posting on discussion forums(yeah, the class is that big, people can't voice complaints face to face effectively enough), complaining about people helping other people out when doing online quizzes, which account for about 3-4% per subject. I quote one such person,
"Aren't many of you guys aiming to do med, and how come you're helping each other out??? Don't get it."
Frankly, i'm disgusted. But yeah, that should sorta serve to give an idea of how hard out everyone else is, while i'm just..sorta slack comparatively, though pretty hard out by my own standards(if that makes sense :p).

Anyways, that's all for random updates. Haven't had much of a chance to go out/hang out with friends, so no pics and stuff. Also, just as a side note, i'll be back in M'sia for a couple weeks during winter break, though if i were to be completely honest, i've not exactly thought about it as much as i did last year.

Ciao!

Personality Disorders..? Me?

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Low
Antisocial Disorder:	High
Borderline Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Disorder:	High
Avoidant Disorder:	Low
Dependent Disorder:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

Saw this on Karen's blog. Pretty interesting to find out eh. So i'm supposedly antisocial(i think amoral would've been a better description by their definitions), narcissistic and histrionic. Hahahaha!

Double Tagged!

I've been tagged by both 3na and Karen, so i suppose..no help for it, i'm just gonna have to suck it and do this thing. Here goes!

These are the rules: Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog!

1. I am actually shy, like really shy. And i'm being totally honest. Going up to someone and making the first move, saying "hi" and introducing myself and all that..actually does still scare me to bits. I suppose it's the rejection thing. After all, who really does get a kick outta being rejected?(sorry all you masochists out there :p)

2. I speak to myself at times, especially when i'm concentrating or in the middle of doing something. Just an extension of "Lemme hear myself think for a moment!", and really, who hasn't ever done it?

3. Whenever i step into my house, 10-15 years of age immediately fall from my person, depending on my mood. It's funny, but i can seriously not remember a time when i havent walked thru the door of my house and not felt at least some stress melt away. It's a security thing i guess.

4. I read anything i can get my eyes on, the back of my dad's newspaper, the writing at the back of the cereal box, nutrient content on bread packaging, anything at all. It's a kinda instinctive thing.

5. I'm pretty picky with stuff. If i don't really like it all that much, i try as much as i can to change it, argue against it, do something about it..all that. As people have come to notice, i am rather a lot more argumentative these days.

6. I wish i could dance. Unfortunately, i totally suck..so badly that it isn't even funny. Haha, my body just refuses to move in the way that is considered acceptable to human eyes :p

Gotta tag 6 ppls now. Well, let's see..who hasn't kena yet? Looks like almost everyone has tho, so i won't bother. Anyone who wants to do this..go for it!

When forever just doesn't seem to be enough..

Have you ever felt good..so good you wish that it would last forever, and then some more? I'm not just talking about a moment, but maybe an hour, an occasion, a holiday, a date, a streak of luck. Inevitably, you know it will come to an end. Invariably, the spell is broken, the high is gone, and you crash, but still somehow you hold on to the slimmest of chances that it would go on forever and ever. You hold on for as long as you possibly can, while knowing that lasts that long, knowing that hoping for it to will only increase your disappointment when it all comes to a screeching halt, just like that dream life, falling apart at the ring of your alarm clock. I have.

I've just gotten back to NZ from a holiday in M'sia, probably my best ever so far. Honestly, it isn't that NZ is that bad or anything. It's more of the coming back to earth, realising i have to get to uni, do well in my studies, socialise, make more friends, join clubs and maybe get a job, clean up my act, help mom more, among the other million and two things i hope to achieve this year. Coming to terms with my actual results where it mattered(back here in NZ)..knowing that when all was said and done, i'd disappointed myself and lotsa people around me yet again was seriously a slap in the face. It's like coming off of a high(and no..i don't take drugs) and realising how empty your life can be sometimes, a wake up call telling me "Grow up and face reality boy!"

And it's true. The reality is, as much as i want to believe it, i'm not naturally better than anyone or everyone else without any effort, and even then, i'm not the best out there, and may never ever be. Reality is the fact that one can never have all that they want, just like i know i'll never get the one person i'd give anything just to be able to easily reach, be it face to face, through the phone or even through text. It's time to face the fact that i'm 19 this year, almost time to grow up, take care of myself and hopefully my parents too, and yet i feel so unready, as if i've missed out a chapter in this book called "How to Live Life" that everyone's supposed to have read. And That, is the truth of my life thusfar. It's time to close that chapter..make new beginnings and hopefully be who i really am in uni, starting tomorrow.

As i said, it's time for me grow up and face the world.

Ps: To all the people in M'sia who were so awesome to me, the title is dedicated to y'all. Even spending forever with you guys would never be enough for me. Honestly, Thank you!

Huge Tag Thing...

Well, i sorta do owe Bernice this one, so might as well get to it. Watched Click today..so good. I'll admit, there were parts where i was in tears. Lucky i watched it alone.

1. Are your parents married or divorced?
Married.

2. Are you a vegetarian?
Nope, need my animal proteins!

3. Do you believe in Heaven?
Maybe..life and beyond's one big adventure,so we'll find out sooner or later aye?

4. Have you ever come close to dying?
Not that i can remember.

5. What jewellery do you wear 24/7?
Don't think there's anything i wear 24/7

6. Favourite time of day?
When it's dark.

7. Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
Yup, love broccoli!

8. Do you wear makeup?
Err, NO.

9. Ever have plastic surgery?
Nope, 100% all me.

10. Do you colour your hair?
Nope.

11. What do you wear to bed?
Shorts and a tee

12. Have you ever done anything illegal?
Probably..hard to name an incident in particular tho..(been too many :p)

13. Can you roll your tongue?
Yep

14. Do you tweeze your eyebrows?
No..that would hurt i think.

15. What kind of sneakers?
The kind that can take the punishment i deal out =)

16. Do you believe in Abortions?
Talk about random. I reckon it's up to the individual, whether to have one or no.

17. What is your Hair color?
Black.

18. Future child’s name?
Not thinking that far ahead yet.


19. Do you snore?
Probably do

20. If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?
Hmm..i'd say either Italy, France, Japan or England.

21. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Nope, never have never will

22. If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
Collect the money..yep.

23. Gold or silver?
Gold

24. Hamburger or hot dog?
Hamburger

25. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Wow, tough indeed. I dunno, i'd go for bread and butter =) Havent ever been sick of those yet.

26. City, beach or country?
I'm mostly a city boy..maybe country to take breaks, beaches to go on hols with friends

27. What was the last thing you touched?
Definitely the keys on my laptop

28. Where did you eat last?
My aunt's place

29. When’s the last time you cried?
Damn, like an hour or 2 ago, while watching Click

30. Do you read blogs?
Sometimes

31. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
No way.

32. Ever been involved with the police?
Nope

33. What’s your favourite shampoo conditioner and soap?
I actually don't have a preference

34. Do you talk in your sleep?
I dunno, u'd have to ask someone who's slept beside me or somethin

35. Ocean or pool?
Ocean

36. So, who has the original missing questions?
Wha..?? Not me?

37. Who would you take on a ménage à trois for a dirty weekend?
Are we counting celebrities? Coz i have a list too long for this tag =p

38. Window seat or aisle?
Window..i like to watch the clouds, and the blue blue sky =)

39. Ever met anyone famous?
Define "met"..spoken 2 them? dont think so.

40. Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life?
I'm turning 19 this year..i'll get back to you in another 10-20?

41. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
Twirl..yep

42. Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey?
Oprah..who's ricki who?

43. Basketball or Football?
Football..the actual English version of it, not cheap American rip-offs of the word.

44. How long do your showers last?
Anywhere between 3-15 minutes.

45. Automatic or do you drive a stick?
Auto..i'm too lazy to even remember how to drive a stick.

46. Cake or ice cream?
Cake..so much more to be had in a really good cake.

47. Are you self-conscious?
Yep, i'd say so

48. Have you ever drank so much you threw up?
Nope..only reached the giggling stage.

49. Have you ever given money to a beggar?
Hmm..have i? I think so

50. Have you been in love?
What is love?

51. Where do you wish you were?
Nowhere in particular..i'm pretty happy where i am.

52. Are you wearing socks?
No..not in the house

53. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Nope..not that i remember

54. Can you tango?
I remember learning it a LOOONG time ago..but can't do it anymore

55. Last gift you received?
Cookbooks from BeeLi and Grace heh..

56. Last sport you played?
Badminton!

57. Things you spend a lot of money on?
Clothes(only lately), food, gifts.

58. Where do you live?
I have 2 homes, NZ and Malaysia.

59. Where were you born?
SJMC

60. Last wedding attended?
It's been a while..

61. Spit or swallow?
What?

62. Favorite position?
Lol..so vague and dodgy questions

63. Most hated food(s)?
Kangkung, potato leaves, stale fish, parsley, celery.

64. What’s your least fav.?
Least fav what? I'll go with Bernice's and say my least fav celeb is Paris Hilton too! Britney comes in a close 2nd tho..with that annoying routine of hers.

65. Can you sing?
I dunno..i'd like to think i'm alright.

66. Last person you instant messaged?
BeeLi

67. Last place you went on holiday?
I AM on holiday..so Malaysia.

68. Favourite regular drink?
H2O

69. Current Song?
Kiss Goodbye-Lee Hom

70. Tag 3 friends: Dunno..whoever feels like answering 70 questions.

"Mouth, I bid thee, silence thy uncouth tongue!
Lest it defile us further, with accurs't obscenities."

I notice, i've been swearing a lot lately, especially since i've been back. It's a bad habit, i know, and sometimes i really can't help what comes outta my mouth. I've defended myself more than a few times, pointing out that cursing is a form of expression, used to release stress without resorting to violence and/or other brutalities. However, today i am going to make a pledge to try to minimise the amount of swearing i do, from the F's to the S's to the B's and MF's, even those H7's! So, if y'all hear me swear, just walk up to me and gimme a slap yeah? Haha..a verbal one would be preferred, but whatever works at the time. I'll thank you later, when i'm done raving hehe. Probably thru something which involves my hands, since i believe that what i write always sounds so much better than the things i say. Proof is as shown above. I coined it in the shower yesterday in less than 5 mins, but i probably would never say something like that, if you know what i mean.

Results came out today. Honestly, i didn't do as well as i would've hoped to, only 10Es all together, and 36E credits. The huge bummer is that, for bio externals, i got a total of 0 Es. Reflecting now, i can honestly say i don't know where i went wrong, but i have a feeling i might have gotten a little overconfident. Well, schol results come out mid feb. I'm hoping i gave that one a good enough shot, and just pray that the results come out in my favour. The main positive to this whole thing is that I.got.into...Uni!

Yep, even with my semi abysmal results, i got into both courses i applied for. Now, the dilemma is..Health Science? or Biomeds? Well, pros and cons...

with Health Science,
It's the recommended pathway into medicine, and you have to do an extra paper, Population Health 2. Now, this may give me an extra advantage-knowing slightly more, but might also put me in the spot, as they take the average results, so why take an extra sub? To top it off, i don't think the prospects of being a Health Science graduate are really very exciting assuming i fail to make it into med school(touch wood).

with Biomeds,
It's a science based degree, which means that if (touch wood again) i fail to make it into med school, there are a more diverse range of career options, from pharmacy to virology to immunology, genetics and microbiology, all that stuff. Also, there's one less paper, and probably less flexibility in subjects, with only one general paper being offered. Also, competition will be really tough from this side, as i have a feeling 80-90% of med school students start off taking biomeds, as it is by far the safer option.

I am leaning towards biomeds, but we'll see. Probably will have to make my decision by the end of the month.

One last thing. Once again today, i revisited the reason why i really want to be a doctor. This is the whole and complete reason, and i promise i will never forget it.

"It's like..if outta the hundreds of patients you treat, about 5 kids are inspired to be doctors..Good doctors. And then again, if somehow, one life that was supposed to be lost, but because of you..they stay alive. It really makes it all worth it i reckon.." -Recollection of an actual coversation

For the record, this is what i believe in now. This is my creed. I pray for the strength and resilience to never let it go..ever. I hope that i will be able to see this vision to its end, and be able to give my best shot and making it all come true.

"..They're hoping for a miracle. And somehow, at 24..you have to find a way to be that miracle.."-Ben Randall, The Guardian.

Just Checkin' In

So much has happened since i posted last, i have no idea where to even start. Well, maybe not since i posted last, but more like there's so much i've experienced here that i haven't blogged. Bear with me though, part of the reason i'm blogging is because i'm facing a slight case of writer's block on this fanfic i'm planning to submit for a competition(kinda wrote myself into a corner), and i'm too stubborn to sleep at 12.30.

So yes, the first thing i did in 2007 that i never did before? I got drunk. Yes, i'll admit, i was slightly drunk, laughing uncontrollably and making crazy phone calls(sorry guys if i did sound a lil more than tipsy, you know who you are(even if i might not :P) ) . But goddaaamn was it worth it. We mixed drinks @Shashi's place for the countdown night, and i tasted some awesome stuff that night. For the benefit of minors, i won't disclose the drink mixes, but i can say, they were pretty strong. If you really want the details, lemme know, i'll get Shashi to hook you up eh? :P

So, the morning after. I woke up with a lil hangover, you know, the type where you wake up feeling at least slightly dizzy and totally bloated. Luckily for me, i took a cold shower, and diminished the symptoms to a bearable level, and was able to go through the day normally, suppressing the remainder of symptoms.

Trying to be superman, i hung out with BeeLi and Grace for the remainder of the day, watching WTC and just talking randomly at Grace's place. As usual, it was awesome. One believes one might be beginning to get addicted to both their company.

Later that night, i went to this MCA style dinner(y'know..the one where you sit really cramped up, with God only knows how many tables crammed into a badminton hall), where i saw my first lion dance in AGES!! Honestly, it lifted my spirits SO MUCH! Just hearing the drums, watching the lion dance and letting them overload my senses really inspired a smile on my face and a really good mood that night. I clowned around pretty much the whole night, parodying the old men on stage, and annoying the hell outta my sis, all while finding the time to play with(more like get bullied by) my lil cousin brother. Oh, and we won a freaking rice cooker from the lucky draw too! But c'mon, of all things, my number..rice cooker..Oh the irony!


The following few days passed pretty quickly, squash or badminton in the mornings, lunch then relaxing at home, or going out for dinner..all that. Over this time, i've really gotten closer to my 'heng dai's, GL, Shashi, and DW, doing sports with'em almost everyday, followed by lunch. At the very least, it keeps half my day occupied and staves away the tentacles of boredom! The only downside is, after days and days and days of hand muscle exertions, my whole freaking right arm hurts now =/ On the plus side, i'm finally starting to learn to drive again! It's only my second day back, but i think i'm starting to kinda get more of a hang of it, and hopefully feb will see me driving on my own, at least a lil(hopefully to sd and back at the very least). One can hope, can one not?

On a lighter note, being back here's also shown me all that i've missed, as well as all that i take for granted back in nz. In other ways, it's also opened my eyes to the people who actually care for me. But the question remains, for me anyways..what do you do about something you want to happen, but seems really impossible to make happen? Be a victim of circumstance and let fate decide? Take things into your own hands and force the matter? Something else? Honestly, i have no idea, so i'm taking course 1 at the moment, ready to switch to course 2 at a moment's notice :) Let's hope this pays off yeah?

Lately though, i've been getting quite a bit more free time than the past month. Time to think, time to reflect on all i've done and what else i want to do before i get back to nz, and time to just be alone, contemplating anything and everything that occurs to me. Soul searching, if you want to put it that way. I don't exactly do that, but then, i talk to myself, yet don't exactly talk to myself as well, so that's kinda that. I've been thinking though, all that we do, all the fun we have, all the hard work we put into life, everything we dedicate ourselves to, all that we try, think and fight for..to what end? In other words, why do we do all that we do, when in the end, the outcome is quite the same, at least on the outside?(that last part was for all you religious ppl out there..so don't say i don't respect y'alls beliefs. i do, to an extent, just not too into it myself.) So this is my question folks...

.....to what end?

2007...here already?

Hey oh!(Sorry, i'm suffering from a hey-oh defeciency..ie; youtube wont play hey-oh and i suddenly got the urge to listen to it)

I guess it's time for the obligatory new year's post. So, here goes..

HAPPY NEW YEAR! WELCOME the one, the only 2007!

Anyways, '06 has been a pretty good year, tho it was full of ups and downs. Looking back, i can say i enjoyed myself to a point, and i guess i struggled to a point as well, but hey, as they say..what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

My hopes for '07? I really wanna do well for my first year in uni, and i hope to be able to do all i can to get into med school next year. Also, i hope to let go a lil more when i'm in nz, have fun and live more. Hell, live a LOT more. Honestly, i want the chance to achieve my aspirations, or at least the chance to try my best at it, and i'll be satisfied.

So, have a good year y'all!