I guess we could say it's about time i wrote in here again. It's been a long, eventful semester, and right now, i'm finally almost done. Exams came and are almost gone, i've got just an English paper left on Wednesday(For those of you who think it's peanuts, think again, i've been getting B+s and the occasional A).

Now again it's time for some self reflection. It's gotten to the point where i really need to take a step back i think, and just think. About life, about love, about the future, and about just me..maybe.

So what DO you do, if the one thing you really want may just be the one thing you can never have?

Have you ever wanted something so much that physically it hurts to think that it might not happen after all, mentally, you can't even conceive the fact that it won't, and your whole self just yearns and burns for it, yet..you wonder if it's all for nothing, and if after all that, things just weren't meant to happen the way you want them to?

What are we meant to do then? I would say try anyway, give it your best shot, and just hang it all, see what happens, but it's a very scary experience, to try and try, never knowing if there's really hope at all in the end, never knowing if what you're really doing is just making things worse, trying so hard only to fail.

It's been said it's better to look on the bright side, and never on the dark, but if you don't consider the dark, who will? Am i just really being afraid of failing, or afraid of not trying? I don't know, i really don't.

I think i've changed for the better from the two years i've spent here. Temper's gone down, my countanence has mellowed, i'm nicer and basically just more of an optimistic, better person, and it's reaped rewards i know. Good things happen to good people, it's true, just not all the time, but we've got to live with it, coz that's the way life is isn't it? Yet, fundamentally, i am the same person, and sometimes, in the face of possible despair, it makes me wonder if that's enough.

Well, enough of that for now. If you're reading this, i'm sorry it sounded so hopeless. I just had to get it out somehow, this dark, down feeling inside me, and hope that my up comes soon enough.

On a lighter note, now that exams are kinda over, time to kick back and relax! Maybe get a job(hopefully), and then..it's back to Malaysia for holidays too =). Looking forward to seeing all of yous, even though there are people here i really don't wanna leave behind.

So, til then, see ya in the next post, which hopefully will come soon.