Angst!!!

Ok ppl, i dunno why, i just got back from watching DoA, and some things happened, and i got some inspiration for an angsty post. I'm gonna try my hand at writing some angsty poetry, so if u dont like angst, close ur eyes boys and girls, and scroll all the way down k? Good boy/girl.

Who are you?
Asking me all these questions,
Telling me what i must or must not say,
Trying to control the way I act,
The way i dress, the way i think!


You have no right,
Telling me what to say,
Or getting in my face this way;


You have no right,
Treating me this way,
Telling me all i'm doing is wrong,
When all i wanna do,
Is to just be strong,
Strong enough to be who i am,
Free from you.


I don't need you,
Controlling what i can or cannot do,
what i should or should not tell,
So just go to hell.


You have no right,
To tell me what to wear,
Or how to do my hair,
Do i make myself clear?


My life is mine, my life is mine,
You have no right,
My life is MINE!
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!!

Yeah, so that was it. Dont worry or anything, i'm totally fine. Just like i said..i got inspiration to write this, so i did. Tell me what u think? Too angsty? I think it might've been a lil too fragmented hehe.

Shuffle!

Yes ppl, I am BOOOREED! Saw this on friendster, but didnt wanna do it til i had my full music collection, which is on my sis's PC, so now, here i am(she's watching a movie on my laptop). Bring it!

1.) How am I feeling today? Perfect-Simple Plan
wow, never knew i had that..

2.) Where will I get married? I lay my love on you-Westlife
No Comment la..haha

3.) What is my best friend's theme song? You and Me-Lifehouse
haha..best "friend" eh?

4.) What is/was highschool like? Jiang Nan-Lin Jun Jie
Jiang Nan indeed..

5.) What is the best thing about me? All I ask of You-Phantom of the Opera
This just doesnt make sense oO

6.) How is today going to be? Miss You Like Crazy-Moffatts
In case ur wondering, you refers to YOU!

7.) What is in store for this weekend? Tears and Rain-James Blunt
WHAT?! D=

8.) What song describes my parents? Sadness and Sorrow-Toshiro Matsuda
Nah, no way!

9.) How is my life going? When you come back to me again-Forgot the artist name ler..

10.) What song will they play at my funeral? Can you feel my world?-Lee Hom
haha..bring it!

11.) How does the world see me? Where do i go from here?-pocahontas 2
lol, u tell me..

12.) What do my friends really think of me? Miss you nights-Westlife
hehe..weird..

13) Do people secretly lust after me? Big Pimpin/Papercut-Jay Z/Linkin Park
i'll take that as a yes..hahaha

14.) How can I make myself happy? Overjoyed-Stevie Wonder
haha, no need la..overjoyed already

15.) What should I do with my life? Uptown Girl-Billy Joel(original FTW)
yeah..haha..spend my life chasing an uptown girl eh..

16.) Will I ever have children? Jigga What/Faint-JayZ/Linkin Park
Lol, "Jigga what?!"*faints*

17.) What is some good advice? Hero-Toshiro Matsuda
hahaha..Jadilah Hero hari ini, guna Tongkat Ali! Hahaha, sorry, just randomly popped into my head

18.) What do I think my current theme song is? It's My Life-Bon Jovi
Hell yeah!

19.) What does everyone else think my current life? Simple and Clean-Utada Hikaru
Take THAT u dirty minded ppl!

20.) What type of men/women do you like? This Love-Maroon5 ft Kanye West
haha..make of it what u will

21.) Will you get married? I've been waiting-The Rasmus
Lols..really?Too..YOUNG!

22.) What should I do with my love life? Come get some-Rooster
rofl!

23.) Where will you live? My Way-Il Divo
haha..i'll buy a road and name it My Way

24.) What will your dying words be? What a Wonderful World-Louis Armstrong
haha..of course, of course!

25.) When im having sex i say..Ulimate Secrets-Toshiro Matsuda
lol, since this is a Naruto theme, more like Ultimate Secret no Jutsu!

26.) When I meet a girl for the first time i say..Feelings-Il Divo
righht...

27.) When my parents are angry i say..Breakaway-Kelly Clarkson
haha..and get a slap..

Poof! Holidays..Almost a year gone by..

Finally! 2 weeks holiday break. What am I gonna do tho? Not too sure yet, but the prospect of no school is always an appealing one. Still, i've got some work to catch up with, and i dont think i'll start studying just yet, but will definitely have to get my materials ready for the final NCEA exam.

Last day of school today, we went to the zoo for a bio field trip. Honestly ler, nothing special la. It's got all the standard zoo animals-lions, tigers, elephants etc. But surprisingly, the main attractions were orangutans. It's pretty unreal that the ppl here kinda appreciate that the orangutans are rare, and possibly endangered, whereas back home in malaysia, we hear of illegal orangutan poaching, and mostly we think, oh, there's plenty more in the jungle la..

Course, this really wasnt the first time i've seen an orangutan. I've even held a baby one once, i cant remember where i was on holiday la-one of the places in malaysia, so to me it was nothing special, but teachers, zookeepers etc, keep talking about the orangutan, like it was really all that important to the evolutionary chain and stuff. Well, what i'm trying to say is, maybe we do have a bigger part to play in the history of the world, and the history of man than we know it, just that, we're not really being responsible enough to conserve that uniqueness. The animals in the zoo are also pretty close to u, we actually nearly touched some Emus(we all chickened out la..), had larikeets flying over our heads and barely miss us, and even fed the baboon 2 apples(shh..don't tell la..). I've been to KL Zoo once, i dunno how many thousand years ago, and imho, the biggest difference is that the Auckland Zoo is C-L-E-A-N. It gives the kind of secure, nice feel to the place, whereas back home, the zoo feels really dirty and cooped up. The last time i was there anyways, so hopefully it's better now.

Time really flies. It feels like just yesterday i was back for the mid year holidays, having a great time with all yous. It's surreal how we get caught up in our lives, and never realise it, and suddenly, so much time has passed. It definitely doesnt feel like a school year that i've been here for. At times, i feel like i've lived here for more than a year and it's like..whoa..has it only been ONE year? At other times, i feel like..whoa, the school year's just flown by..shit..what have i learnt? haha. Yes, i probably regret all the friends i could have made, all the times i should have said something, all the things i should have done, here and back home, but yeah, i guess, that's the way with life-you either do, or you dont, and if you dont, there's no point looking back.

Even as i sit here reminiscing, seconds and even minutes of life dribble by and i wonder, what did i not do that i would look back to and say.."Damn, i wish i did that.." or something to that effect.

Guess who messed up again...

Did u guess Ian? Smart! That's the right answer!

First of all-Fuck-loh. Got most of my mock results back. Yep, you guessed it-not good. Yes, I'll admit it, i mucked up, big time, thinking it didnt matter..thinking it was only mocks. While that's true, my character..no..my EGO, won't let me take such a beating without beating up myself-loh.

First off, here's a summary of grades:

E=Excellence(Best one la..)

M=Merit(Guess u could call it a B, but not really as well, coz it depends on the sub)

A=Achieved(Standard pass)

N=Fail

I got, 3Ms for Chem, missing out on the E by 1 bloody question for each of them, and that's not even the frustrating bit. For 2 of the papers, 1 of them i COULDA gotten it, but i forgot my "-" sign for a combustion reaction, and the 2nd one, i did,

-1.67V-1.20V=-1.87V

Which cost me the excellence. The third one, not much complaints la, coulda shoulda woulda gotten it, but just didnt.

Calc, I'm pretty frustrated/disappointed with myself, although the exams were admittedly kinda difficult. I got an M for differentiation, and an A each for Integration and Conics. I don't know why, maybe it's the lack of practice, my maths skills just aint the same since i've been here. Guess maybe it's time to step it up a notch eh?

Here comes the killer blow. English. 2Ns(yes, that's right, i fucken failed 2 papers!), a "High M+"(whatever that means) and an E(which, my teacher claims, was one of the best essays he's ever read on the subject-which, was Shakespeare, believe it or not). Well, the only excuse I can offer (lame tho it might seem), is that 1 of the papers i failed, i have had no prior experience or exposure to such papers. Anyhow, most of my class failed, but well, it's like I said, what good is that knowledge if i fail too? And the other paper i failed, i'm not really sure eh. I've requested my teacher to have a 2nd look at it, at least just to tell me why he thinks i might've failed(coz the papers are marked by several different teachers), so yeah, i guess i'll just have to wait n see how that goes. The E did kinda help soften the blow for me a lil, i was in shock when i received my first 2 papers(the 2 Ns, obviously), tho i did expect to fail one of them, i really hated seeing it come true. I dunno eh, the last time i failed was like..ages ago, maybe PTS.

So yeah, today has definitely NOT been a good day. I was pretty crushed receiving those 2 fails at the end of the day too. I mean yeah, "there's more to life than living up to expectations", but i can't help it. I hate being a failure, I hate failing, and not just that, I know i'm better than that!

Which reminds me, I havent actually replied that text msg. I just, can't fail, not when i know there are ppl who believe in me-not in front of them. It may sound a little dramatic, but that's been my main inspiration over the years. As it is now, I'm only picking myself up so I can give it another go(my finals, the ones that count), and not let those ppl down again. After that, who knows?

Well, I might be getting Bio back 2morrow, or maybe not, and maybe Media as well, though my Media teacher said most ppl mucked up half of the exam, so i can't get my hopes up, and Bio, has always been tricky, tho it's my best sub. I dunno, I hope it's better news tomorrow, but I really dunno. It's been humbling so far, crushing even. On the bright side tho(as if eh..), i guess it might be a springboard for me to work harder(hopefully), and make it good when it counts.

Mm, I'm sorry for that emo-ish post. Guess it was all that frustration bottled up in me. I can't let it out anywhere else, so here's a good place as any. I don't really wanna worry anybody eh. I'm still fine, just a lil bummed atm. Once again, sorry..for everything.

A Brief Respite.

YES! Exams are over. I dont even wat to think about how I did, 'coz i'm pretty sure, it sucked.

Finally, I get the rest i've been craving for, and now i realise..I prefer exam period, coz there's less schooling to be done. Less teaching means less homework, which also means less trouble. Exams kinda get me to focus on one thing only, that is, the exams. Now, i've gotta face the inevitable things that i've been putting off for so long..assignments(SHIT). Guess, won't be today tho, I will try to get some done tomorrow. Most pressing is writing my media article, coz i want my teacher to proof read it.

Lately, i've come to realise that i'm not as good as i thought i would be at writing this damned travel article. Fiction, is the easiest to write, coz I can make stuff up, and being the author, i am allowed liberty with the storyline. Writing facts however, is a lil more challenging-especially since it's descriptive facts, and with no personal experience, i am limited to pictures from the internet to tell me what i need to write about. It's not that i'm losing faith in my writings-i never had much actually. It's more like, it's troublesome, and that bothers me.

Ahh, the human soul. Ever insatiable, ever dissatisfied. Whenever we're content with something, something happens, and that contentment never lasts long. Wonder why we're made this way..or maybe it's just me.

Ps: I've been thinking, and been getting a couple of comments from the ppl who know me. Yes, I know this is a lil late to those of you i've asked, but u'll have to forgive me, my thinking's been delayed by 2 or so weeks. In fact, my EVERYTHING's been delayed 2 or so weeks, just for exams. So yeah, i've been called "sensitive" by Grace and a couple other ppl, so i'd like to know what u guys think. Am I? Really? 'Preciate the opinion.

Peace Out.

Wee! Media Over!

Yaya! Media exam over! More than 50% of my exams are DONE.
Blogging from school=illegal.
Msn in school= illegal.
Friendster in school=illegal.
Ian in school now=Teh BORED

Anyways, just checking in. Love doing illegal stuff ;). Laters!

Letargggyyyyyyyy...

Ugh, my gawd! I just can't seem to study! I've got English tomorrow and before u roll out all that "English..should be alright? Not that hard right?" WRONG. It's painfully difficult to score really well in English. Yes, I mean, I'm an okay writer, i know that, but when it comes to memorising..I'm SOOO crap. Shakespeare especially..God only knows what he's on about, writing plays about demented geniuses who have a tragic side to them, just to appease QE 1. And the language, WHY?! Thees Thous Thys..they're driving me nutso! So that is why i am here-blogging.

Well, this weekend hasn't exactly been really productive for me. Let's take a quick recap shall we?

Friday: Well, i figured i'd just finished my Chem exam, n it was pretty tough, so i'd take a break. Talked to friends on msn, watched movies(Amadeus was actually really good, and i so wanna hear Dies Irae now.), and studying? What's that? Ohhh..that..0-period.

Saturday: Woot! Long weekend! Did just a teensy bit of studying, and chat with karen for hours on end. Couldnt wait til 9pm that night. High point of the day however, was followed immediately by low point of the day when my freaking credit ran out. Jesus fucking Christ, does the worst possible thing have to happen at the worst possible moment?! Spent the rest of the night whining to karen and grace and moping around.

Sunday: From the get go i knew something had to be done. Finished another part of bio(reading only), and tried to do some english, but totally failed and gave over to reading Naruto manga and watching Naruto pwn Sasuke all day. In the end, read some Richard III and still hate Shakespeare. (Honestly, someone shoulda taken that boy by the hair and SMACKED him everytime he wrote a word, and told him, "You Suck! Stop writing and get a life!").

Monday: Started out pretty awesomely. I studied in the morning, got all my poetry sussed n all, then got caught again in the online trap. Tried to come on to download some past year unfamiliar text questions, but turns out.."Due to copyright reasons, sample of the extracted text cannot be provided here, See statement below" WHAT...THE....F....U....C....K??!! What's the point in putting up past year test papers if the extracts arent going to be provided because of FUCKING COPYRIGHT REASONS! What do u think i'm going to do with it?! Mass print and distribute?! It's already on the f***ing net! So yeah, I'm sposed to be reading Richard III and picking out quotes, but honestly, I really can't be bothered to anymore..only God knows why. Still got One flew over the cuckoo's nest to go, but that at least isnt as bad. Milos Foreman's actually a pretty good director, and it's not a hard film to watch and write about actually. Just gotta pick out some quotes. It's this Shakespeare thing that's got me riled up, and the unfamiliar texts too. I just hate it when I'm going into an exam with that much of a disadvantage, it just plain sucks.

Anyways, sorry for being all emo n stuff, but yeah, now u know. Coming here is always a risk in itself. I reserve the right to swear and be emo as much as I want. Close your eyes kid, and don't try this at home. Gonna sign off and get back to memorising that bloody play. Ciaos all!

What coulda happened on my first ever day in school?!

The first time i randomly generated this, I got:

What will happen on the first day of school?
• Karen will try to make out with you because they are drunk
• Jho will bite you in the butt
• Kevin will cry about summer being over
• Shashi will bitchslap your teacher when they give you detention
• Gl will eat their lunch and yours while tearfully recounting their summer

What will happen on the first day of school?

• Karen will set off the fire alarm so that you don't have to go back to school

• Jho will skip the first day... and probably the second

• Kevin will cry about summer being over

• Shashi will bite you in the butt

• GL will come to school drunken and fall into a garbage can

'What will happen on the first day of school?' at QuizGalaxy.com

The "How Asian Are You" Check..

Yep, I stole this off Kei Li's blog, and i think i've seen it b4, but this is a measure of how bored I am, redoing this. S0, here goes!

[x] You take your shoes off before entering the house
[x] You eat rice often.
[/] You use chopsticks. (Sporks FTW baby!)
[x] You can speak an asian language.
[x] Your parents want good grades from you.
[x] Your parents insist you don't date until college. (they used to..i think..)
[ ] Your parents want you to go to Berkeley orsome other good university like that.
[x] Your parents believe in Feng Shui.
[x] You listen to those horoscopes/zodiac signs. (Hey, listening's not believing aye?)
[x] Your parents love to gossip with the other parents about you. (oh hell..yeah..)
[ ] You have relatives other than your immediatefamily living with you.
[x]Most or all of your friends are asian.
[ ] You don't even know 10 people who aren't asian.
[x]Your ancestors came from Asia. (DOH..)
[ ] You are obsessed with the computer and can't get enough.
[ ] You know how to put a computer together.
[x] You listen to asian music. (A bit-la)
[x] You can actually understand the lyrics. (same la, a bit..)
[x] You have to keep things from your parents, even if they're not bad, because you know they'd THINK it's bad. (Heck yes!)
[x] Your relatives love to bring you clothes that are bright in color with cute cartoons on them.
(Hahahahaha...They USED to..which is why i have mickey and like garfield tshirts, thanks to them, and to mom >.>)
[/] You love your ethnic food. (i wonder if i can put half a tick..)
[x] You have taken/still take piano and/or violin. (I am beginning to think i am so asian LOL)
[ ] Classical music is the best music ever, next toasian music.
[x] You are good at math. (Kinda good i guess..not bad..)

Time to multiply by 4. 17 X 4..Grand total of 68% Asian. Hmm, i can live with that. I'm Asian, but not too Asian. I dont really wanna end up like those Cina Apeks we see the world over. C'mon, we've had enough of them in school, in business..abroad. Pssshh..most of them are just a disgrace to the Chinese name, and coz of them i'm even ashamed of calling myself Asian when they're around.

Anyhow, I probably should be studying. English on Tuesday, Media Wednesday, and Bio on Friday. Something's up tonight at 9 pm too. Hope i get the guts to do it! =p

Ciao monamis!

Ahaha, here we go again!

Life, is a freaking bloody cycle. Especially SCHOOL life. Go to school, come back from school, eat dinner, go to bed. Wake up, go to school, come back from school, eat dinner, bed. Suddenly, Exams.

Yup, finals are here, or mocks..different words, same thing. Thing is, I think i've been physically and mentally burned out by exams. Taken too many in this lifetime to last me another 2, hehe. So yeah, gone are the days when i used to be really anxious and stuff before exams. Nowadays, it's more like.."Oh, exams? OK..Faster finish la can or not?!"

I honestly dunno if i should really worry eh. One thing, I may sound complacent, but these exams dont really count for much 'cept my school report, which dont actually get looked at for university entrance. I still wanna do well, wanna prove myself and all, but yeah, i dunno why, i don't really feel all that motivated, or any urgency, if u will, to really study hard out. I am studying, but more of a laid back approach of study 45 mins, rest 20 mins..that kinda thing ya know?

Honestly, i think, as Malaysians, as Asians, we've been subjected to too many gruelling exams, and that has caused me to totally overlook exams as something so normal and commonplace, nothing to worry about.

The bottomline: I really should get studying, but i really dont wanna..Haih.

Super Size!

Yes, I have finally jumped on the bandwagon and watched Supersize Me by Morgan Spurlock(shown in pic above). What can i say? Oh, my god..I am so put off fast food for at least a month! I mean, sure..it's pretty absurd what he did, McD's 3 times a day for 30 days, and a total McD diet, but still..in 20 days, doctors told him to stop, coz they were afraid he'd kick it if he didnt, or some irreversible things would happen to him. How many times do u eat McD's in a month? Maybe 2-3 times for some..maybe just 1-2? Well, if that's the case, you'd probably have consumed as much as he has in the past 6 months or so, and in 20 days, his liver almost failed, he gained 20+ pounds, he almost doubled his heartattack risk after the 30 days and was experiencing mood swings. Imagine what it's doing to your body in the long run. It might be just an offshoot from just having finished watching the movie, but just thinking of fast food right now makes me feel a lil off, and even a little physically sick.

Gawd, honestly, if u eat McD's at all, this is a pretty much, must watch movie/documentary. And i doubt it's just McD, but most fast foods as well(somehow, subway's considered pretty healthy..but SOOO expensive D=). Nah, it doesnt mean i will turn into a health nut or anything, but definitely, less fast food from now on, and for sure, no bingeing. Only thing i'll binge is work hehe, coz that's who i am, i cant change it =p. I know ur probably thinking like "This dude is nuts!" or, "Stop being drawn into the film with the majority man!" but it's a real film, it's true, by no means a life-changing one, but it's just really gross how much crap is in the food(lol).

Tribute to Steve Irwin, The Croc Hunter

One way or another, we all know Steve Irwin. He's the Croc Hunter! Unless you've been living under a rock, you'd know that Steve's teh awesome. I mean, how many people in the world would, on a daily basis, handle, wrestle and put their heads into WILD crocodiles' mouths for a living?

Today, 4th Sept 2006, Steve Irwin was killed in an accident with a stingray off the Australian Coast. In a freak accident, he was stung right through the heart by its sting, and it is believed he died instantly.

Besides being "THE" croc man that we all believed to be invincible(honestly, I never had ANY doubt that he'd survive all those croc encounters), and the guy we all love to parody when making jokes, he's really a very good person. 2 months ago, I read an article about how he donates a proportion of his money from all of his tv shows, on a regular basis, to the Australian Zoo, in order to keep them running, and give the animals there a better home.

So no, although i do not know him, only thru his documentaries, I say, respects to the man. He's made a name for himself, and he's brave as hell. (He handles rattlesnakes and the like, with ease..) Tho 44 is not really old, I would say he's lived his life rather well, though we all cant help but go.."Ohh, his poor family.."(He has an 8 yr old daughter and a 2 year old son, and his wife).

Crikey, he was a big one mate!

Lost..AHHHHHHHHH!!

Hey, you there? Yes?

Ready to hear me vent? Coz honestly...i sooo need to right now..

Ahhhhh!!!OMG, i just watched the season finale of Lost, season 2(Yes, Finally..), and all that's going thru my mind right now is..WHAT....THE...........HELL????!!!!

Honestly, the storyline may be crazy, the sets may not be all that convincing, but i'll say one thing. The directors are GENIUSES..GENIUS! Mark my words!..They're absolute PRODIGIES at creating suspense. First off, the hatch and the button. I honestly wondered til the very end, who was right? Was it really something, or was it really nothing? And then, Desmond, maybe he really DID crash the plane. And what's gonna happen to Jack, Kate and Sawyer?? What was that 4 toed THING?! Russian guys in the North/South pole?! And guess what? It ended with a phone call to Penny..."I think we found it.." FOUND WHAT?! Was it all an experiment? Did Desmond survive? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............!!!!!

Oh boy..what a day..

It all began with that little ray of sunlight, peeking thru my curtains. Eyelids flickering, I resisted the urge to open my eyes, for i knew that once i did, it would have to be work work work work work..and study study study!

So yeah, no badminton today. Mom took us out for Jap food lunch, i had this sashimi bento set. Mmm mm good! Loved the wasabi, and i so totally miss green tea! (Note that i have not started studying at all). Then we got back, and i got on the com, watched some naruto, then started thinking about studying for a while. Finally, at 130 i think managed to put in a good solid 30 mins of studying, which covered like 1/4 of the material i managed to go thru the whole of today(which was roughly one workbooklet, with like 10 to go..hahaha..pathetic right?). Then, i was drawn to this reality show on channel E!, which if i may add, is freaking addictive once u get into it. It was about girls who were willing to stand on high heels, with one hand on a wedding dress for over 26 hours..just to win the dress(tho it was worth 10k, there were other rewards that they coulda gone for and only stayed there under 24 hours.)

So after 1 hour of mucking around, i got in another 30 mins or so of study-managed to get thru quite a bit of material as well. Then, my uncle called. He had webcam problems. Seriously, my whole family treats me like the multi purpose techinician u call when something goes wrong with..basically anything in ur household. So yeah, i had to guide him thru a program i had never used in ages(hate skype..sux! MSN ftw) but his graphics drives kept interfering with the camera driver, so we had to disable the video card drive in order for the com to sense the camera driver, stupid right?

Oh, before i left, i ate dinner, and somehow i managed to cook part of my hand. I reached into the oven for the bacon, and unknowingly, my hand traveled upwards, and my knuckle came into contact with the heating element. Luckily tho, i managed to pull away quickly enough so that only a small roundish hole was branded into my hand(it's like 1mm in diameter, and maybe 1mm deep) Anyhow, it hurt like mad, and it was all i could do to run for water to pour over my hand. Luckily i did the sensible thing, and put toothpaste on it, or i'm willing to bet it woulda pussed and bled and pussed some more, and eventually, the spot woulda been bigger.

Then, i came home, got online for a bit, then watched the bball game. I still cant believe USA actually lost to greece! So they were playing Argentina tonight, for the bronze, not the gold everyone belived they would both get a shot at. Dwayne Wade was awesome with the drives, and 3 pointers, and lebron..what can i say, i'm a fan for life.

So now here i am, seeking companionship in the comfort of my blog. But i'm so beat. I just realised how stereotypical my blog is..Ahh, who cares..if u dont like it..i never made u look.

Alright..i am feeling a little lightheaded suddenly, and can barely keep my eyes open, so i think i'll just go to bed now. Love y'alls for reading this..laters!

The Void

Hey y'alls!
Exams are coming and all. I don't think it's just for me, but for most people as well. God, do we hate exams! But hey, i may speak only for myself, but i would prefer exams that count, where we can study our hearts out for it, than coursework that counts, where u have to work hard nearly everyday, to ensure u get a good grade. Probably it's another instance of me being lazy again hehe.

Have you ever been "in the zone" as some people call it? I don't really know how to describe it, and it's really like one of those abstract things, like love, where you think you feel it, but you can never be quite sure it's there. My opinion on what it is, and my perspective of what i think it is, is that it's a state of heightened concentration, where your brain, and all your attention is focused on one thing, and one thing alone. I find that an integral part of taking exams to me, as i believe it really helps me in ways-like, if you kinda know something, but it's stuck at the back of your head somewhere n won't come out, being "in the zone" that'll never happen. It's as if you know things you dont normally know, and the things u know are so basic. You remember things you've read like ages ago, and minutes before the exam, had no time to even contemplate it. You just know what you want, and you're totally caught and focused in that moment in time. The consequences, forgotten..the results, totally irrellevant. All that matters is that particular subject of your attention-the question.

However, I think there are drawbacks. First off, it's not easy to get "into the zone", and it's like creating a void around yourself to create that sense of concentration. You block out everything and everyone, so time, sound, taste, weakness, illness..all suddenly become less important. It's all good during and before that period of time, but afterwards, the longer you keep it up, the more drained you'll be. I mean it, emotionally, physically, mentally...you'll feel totally devoid of substance. A shell of your person, it's made me lose my purpose today, and all i really want to do now, is nothing.

I can think of nothing, u could say anything, i wouldnt feel anything, and physically, my body feels like doing nothing that requires too much concious effort. It is times like these that i feel like i'm in a bubble, trapped, separated and alienated from the outside world. Their laughs dont reach me, their smiles fall short on me, their sorrow, pain and suffering are inconsequential to me. This..void I have built around me slowly saps on my energy lvls as well as my emotions.

I'm thankful that i am able to reach a state of heightened concentration, which i believe puts me "in the zone", but then again, it's a bother having to reassess your motivations and remind yourself that there is a long way to go after one of these intense concentration periods.

But yes, the purpose of this post..I have already forgotten. However, I hope u find it useful, or at the very least, let this be a record of my true feelings at this very time, in this very place.