Thank you BeeLi & Grace!

Firstly because i had an awesome time..laughing and making fun of each other. Even tho we ate(Secret Recipe), had coffee(Starbucks) and then went to Grace's place, we managed to talk a lot and basically hang out much.

But the real big deal is that they sent me back, at 1am ++. It was really scary for myself and them too. After reaching home at about 2.00am, i stayed on the phone, making sure they got home. It was actually pretty worrying, wondering if they were ok, and then being able to do nothing to help except tell them where to go. So i really just wanna say THANK YOU BOTH!

Ps: Will edit this with pictures after i upload'em to my com. Feeling bit tired now..gonna go bed. Laters.

Photos from the reunion are posted, along with a couple pics from the after-party at Daryl's place. Since the Taiwan earthquake, photobucket's not been working for me, so i used friendster to upload it. Express apologies for the lack of quality of the pics, since they shrunk it damn a lot. I will get on to uploading it to photobucket soon as i can.

5A Reunion Pics!

26th Dec..cursed?

A couple years ago, on this very date, "The" Tsunami hit the SEA region, causing countless casualties and billions lost in terms of properties. This year, an earthquake in Taiwan caused internet cables connecting the SEA region to other countries, causing our net to slow down and screw up. Coincidence? What are the chances?

Of vacations and Christmas

Heyo!
Finally, i get the time to blog. Well, not like i haven't before, i've just been lazy ok? Well, i've got a couple things to show and tell i guess.

On to business, firstly, i went to cameron highlands for 4 days. Before i went, i really thought what the hell am i gonna do here?, but it turned out to be quite alright, owinng in no small part to the fact that the bungalow we stayed at had just been renovated. So basically, it was 4 days of pigging out, ping pong and playing movies every night(sorry, couldn't find another word with a 'p' =/). It was a kinda get together with nature sorta vacation, with lotsa trees and green etc, and also more of spending time with family(cousins n such), since we actually haven't been home much during the day to spend time with'em. As they say, pictures are worth a thousand words, and so, let me give you a few thousand ;p

After that, we travelled to Ipoh, where mom was brought up, to visit my grand aunt. Boredom gave way to naughtiness as my cousin showed us exactly why 4 year olds can be such menaces. Also, we found a somewhat malaysian version of Crayon Shin Chan in my distant cousin. Here are some MORE photos!




The very next day, my friends came over to our place for Christmas eve. Admittedly, there was some alcohol, but not much(only one guy got drunk..), and quite a bit of gambling. Managed to do some catching up, laughing all the way to 5am and GL, being who he is, nearly woke the whole house up telling his fascinating stories VERY loudly! 'Twas awesome fun! The cleaning up after..boy that was tough, on only 5 hours' sleep and very little juice. Enough with the words, on to the pictures!





Well, there were more moments, but after this last pic, i abandoned my camera in favour of the more tempting activity of gambling. I lost 8 bucks in the end, no thanks to our(kevin, jho and i) lousy luck and magnificent (lack of) skill in poker. Unfortunately(or maybe otherwise to some of you), i was not in any of the pics, being behind the camera the whole while. Also, mouseover the pics if u wanna see my comments on'em. As a final note, i hope i took better pics this time!

Merry Christmas y'all!

A Hectic Week.

Wow. That's seriously all i can think of right now. It's been a crazy hectic week! To give you an idea of just how much i've been out, the fact is, i've only slept at home about 4/7 nights that i've been back here, tonight included.

The thing is, i've been kinda on the fly for this holiday. My plan is to have no plan, and take things as they come, fit in with everything else and do what i want to do, and i think that's part of what makes my week here so exhilarating and fun.

So anyways, in the past week, i've played futsal, eaten lots and lotsa malaysian food, played squash and badminton, hung out with friends, gambled, drunk, spent money on clothes, bought some pc stuff, bought dvds, got sucked in by the mega sale, stayed over at a friend's place, used the "lah" more than 20 times a day, spoken malay, been to low yatt, played bowling, been around ou, seen a couple movies, stayed out past 12, watched astro, eaten durian and finally..sweat HEAPS!

Anyways, dad bought me a 7.1mp camera!!! We got the Canon SD850 at the warehouse sale, where i saw Nor Aman(that's one of our(SSB's) useless past principals if u remember), but that's not really important. I'm still exploring the functions and such, and we also got a 3-in-1(printer, scanner, copier thing) coz dad felt we needed one(i am actually pretty unsure on this one), but yeah, the pics are pretty clear. Only, i'm thinking it takes pics too fast coz of the high ISO rate, which causes me to get lotsa blurs lol. Here are some pics..

4 Days! Last paper over too!

So hey! Bio schol is done. NCEA is Done. Back in 4 days y'all! Anyways, i just found out i got tagged, here it is.

Layer ONE : On the Outside
Name: Ong Hwa Ian
Birth Date: 3/7/1988
Current Status: Imaginary relationship..haha. Nah..you get the picture
Eye color: Black
Hair Color: Black
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Cancer

Layer TWO : On the inside
Your Heritage: Chinese
Your Fears: Helplessness
Your Weaknesses: I'm terribly shy. Honest!
Your Perfect Pizza: Cheese, meat, more cheese.

Layer THREE : Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up: Dammit, 8.20 already?
Your Bedtime: Ranges between 12-3am(and the occasional 4 ams)
Your most missed memory: Haven't lost my memory, so i can't miss it now can i?

Layer FOUR : Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: H20?
McDonald's or Burger King: McD's just coz their fries are good
Single or group dates: No comment haha.
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Lipton tea or Nestea: Nestea
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: I'd say coffee.

Layer FIVE : Do you
Smoke: Nope. Hope you don't either.
Curse: You tell me.. :p

Layer SIX : In the Past Month
Drank alcohol: Don't think so
Gone to the mall: yeah..
Been on stage: Yeah, just to take pics tho haha.
Eaten sushi: Yep.
Dyed your hair: Nope

Layer SEVEN: Have You Ever?
Played a stripping game: Nope.
Changed who you were to fit in: Probably yeah..haha

Layer EIGHT
Age you're hoping to be married : by 35ish i guess..haha

Layer NINE: In a Girl/Guy.
Best eye colour: Doesn't matter..but green's good.
Best hair colour: I'd say black..dye is overrated.
Short or long hair: Depends on the person i'd say.

Layer TEN: What Were You Doing.
1 minute ago: Learning about quantum physics..for fun haha
1 hour ago: Having lunch..or shopping..either.
4.5 hours ago: Taking an exam
1 month ago: Studying for the exams?
1 year ago: Could've been anything. When'd SPM end ar?

Layer ELEVEN : Finish The Sentence
I love: thinking.(at times)
I feel: intrigued.
I hate: being made to wait, or talked down to.
I hide: myself.
I miss: Malaysia.
I need: to clean my room haha.

Layer TWELVE: Tag Five People
1) Karen
2) Bernice
3) Jho
4) KeiLi (just coz u got exams..muahahaha)
5) 3na

Anyways, i've been toying with the idea of doing a massive thank you list for all the thank yous i haven't said over the years. And by toying i mean lying in bed, just thinking about what i'd thank certain people for. So..if anyone's interested..look out for it!

Celebration time..!

Celebration time COME ON!

WOOT! Exams are virtually over. I've got a bio schol paper to go, but that's in a week. Plenty of time to get worked up over it in a bit, but not yet! Right now..Free and EASY!

In her eyes..
I am not a hero, I am not an angel.
I am just a man.
A man who's trying to love her,
Unlike any other.

Good stuff. Tracks 7, 13, 15. Ian says, get it.

*Edit* I'm partial to February Song as well now. Awesome stuff!

A month....and exams...........

Arrrggghhh! To think that for 4-5ish months that i've been here, i never really missed home so much, but now, just 2 days before exam....

I MISS HOME!

I miss all y'alls, going out, hanging at OU, playing futsal, chatting randomly.

Dammit! I can't wait to get back!

Sick of studying. Want exams to come and go and be done with. Can't wait 3 weeks til i actually fly back. Been having weird dreams lately, where i open a door in NZ, and i'm back in msia, then walk thru another door, and i'm back here in NZ. Weird eh?

Anyways, just as a reminder to myself, here's my exam schedule:

Nov 20th, Monday, 1.40pm-Media Studies 1 down, 6 to go..sick sick!
Nov 22nd, Wednesday, 9.10am-English Done! 5 to go..Bring it!
Nov 25th, Saturday, 1.40pm-Chemistry Schol. Hardest. Bloody. Paper. Ever
Nov 27th, Monday, 9.10am-Chemistry Getting closer!
Nov 29th, Wednesday, 9.10am-Calculus Bio bio BIO all the way!
Nov 30th, Thursady, 9.10am-Biology Exams virtually over!!
Dec 7th, Thursday, 9.10am-Biology Schol. D-O-N-E.

Dec 11th, Monday - I'M COMIN' HOME!

NSN:0120388187

I have not seriously 'touched' my books. I feel so underprepared.

Through the Looking Glass

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel so detached from everyone around you? It's like looking through a window, peeping into someone else's life, being there yet not there. It was rather amusing yet, at the same time, pretty awkward.

It happened to me today. Graduation day, last day at school, whatever you wanna call it. But finally, i'm outta high school/college..for LIFE! Actually, it hasnt really quite sunk in yet, since i still DO have exams in about a week, spanning for like 3 weeks. But then, in that hall today, i was surrounded by people talking about "good 5 years in Rangi", and "i grew up here" and then there was me, impassive towards it all, unfeeling, totally detached.

Sure, it's the last day of school, i'm rather glad that school's out, but amidst the people hugging each other and crying and rushing around to get their pictures taken, i can't help but wonder at why i'm so unfeeling, and whether i'm just missing out on something. It was well and truly awkward to say the least, watching people cry and catching parts of conversations where people were reminiscing, and all i did was stand around, watching people, and took a few shots here and there, stealing into some group photos.

Couple of shots i stole into (=p), the 2nd one was taken yesterday, and i was like halfway over the wall when the librarian chased us down lol.

Surreal

So surreal how my high school-life ends forever in 2 days.
Surreal how exam's in 2 weeks, the one that matters, and yet i haven't gotten serious,
Surreal how i've prided myself in giving my all, yet feel no compulsion to do so now,
Surreal how i'll be back in under 2 months..among friends, among loved ones.
Surreal how what i do now will determine, in about 4 months, whether i was a disappointment and a mistake, or whether i turned out alright after all.
Most surreal how the one i want to see is you, but i don't know what i'll do then.

Life? i'm just floating along..and it all seems so..surreal.

"I never asked to be given the life i was given, but it was given nonetheless..and with it, I will do my best"- R.I.P. Mr Ecko

Have you ever watched a love story, especially the ones with happy endings (I know, what am i talking about right? They ALL have happy endings nowadays.), and wished that somehow, someway somewhere, it could happen to you?

It's just a story! Unrealistic! Impossible! you say. But you wanna believe anyway that it's possible, no..probable in life. Call me sensitive, call me romantic, call me gay, call me whatever the fuck you want, but if i could have one wish at this very moment, i'd wish for that "Happily Ever After" that we all see on screens, with its buildup, and its intensity, and its perfection. I know, i may have slobbed off love, may have written it off, but when you feel like your heart's going to burst, when it feels like no one cares about you, when it feels like you're all alone, we all look to the ones we love don't we? Look to them to give meaning to our lives, to verify our very existences and prove to ourselves that we aren't alive for nothing. Maybe, just maybe, though it isn't necessarily the whole reason we're alive, this love, from the people whom we love, is what makes life really worth living.

To be honest? I don't really know where i'm going with this, but hell, on that subject, maybe human beings are just too concerned about appearances to actually live life, hang it all and go for the things that really matter. Nowadays, it's all about money, money, and more money. Guys think money drags in the girls, the sex, the cars, and the friends. Girls think money brings in slobbering hot guys, endless shopping and daily pampering. So what do we do? We slave our asses off, day and night, night and day, to make MORE money. We try to look good to get more money, we use our money to appear superior, and then, we use our superiority to isolate ourselves from others. On the surface, everything appears to be calm and good, but look underneath, you'll see undercurrents everywhere-a web of jealousy, deceit, lies, schemes and other dastardly deeds.

Just like our beloved country Malaysia. We all say we're multicultural. We claim to be living together harmoniously. Bullshit. Look in any government school. Look in any school for that matter. Cliques exist everywhere. Chinese hang with chinese, indians hang with indians and malays hang with malays. Sure, you get the odd one or two groups with a random other race, but that's about it. We overglorify the malay language, saying it's OH so FUCKING important, but guess what? IT WAS A FUCKING WASTE OF 10 YEARS OF MY LIFE. Yep, you got that right. I mean, if you think about it, the only other place malay would be useful is Indonesia. Yes, the Indonesia which burns down trees 'coz they assume the smoke just disappears and doesn't get blown over to your country, causing haze, then claim it's not their fault.

Then we have the ever so Noble subject of Moral. You know, i actually learnt a lot from moral. I learnt about how much hypocritical bullshit students are put through nowadays. I learnt about how so many people do not practice the stuff that they preach. I learnt about how life's a bitch and that humans aren't perfect. None of this however, contributed to any of the actual morals i hold today (depending on who you are, your opinions on this may vary). Learning moral, isnt helping to decrease the country's corruption rate. It isn't reducing the number of gangfights. It isn't creating revelations in the minds of people. My question is, what point is there to it?

Remember how everyday you go to school, and you think.."Who am i to them again? Right..good boy, get your act together! Act the way you're sposed to.." wearing a mask, so as not to stand out too much or stand out too little. Now i don't know if anyone but me has felt this before, but wearing a mask, it's not easy. You keep up that front every step of the way, trying to be the person everyone expects you to be. Since you're different around different people, sooner or later, you suddenly find that you have 2 masks, 3, then 6..suddenly it becomes 10! And out of nowhere, you suddenly find that you've lost yourself..the real you, behind all those masks, is just another mask now.

I feel like, almost everyone around wears those masks, day in and day out, and for some reason, it frustrates me to no end! I wish i could just RIP them all off, cut thru all the bullshit, and just really get to know the people beneath the people. Have you ever given a random excuse for something, which was hardly believable but acceptable, because the real reason was something you're ashamed to tell? I know i have. And i really wonder, why do i have to do this? Then i honestly don't know!

So, the worst kind of people are the professional bullshitters. They know quite a bit of stuff, but appear to know a lot, because they use big words, wrap it up in long, complex sentences to try to explain things that they don't really understand completely, but for the sake of looking smart, cannot confess that they do not understand completely, and so tries to string long, big words together, citing related issues but not directly answering the question, in an attempt to confuse the other person. There! Did you see what i just did? I HATE these kinds of people with a passion. I honestly believe that if you don't know, say you don't know..please. Save yourself and other people the trouble.

*Cough* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit*Cough*

Ps: I think watching Will Smith makes me curse a lot. Just 'coz he does it well, and looks sooo damn smooth doing it. (See, i just did it again)

Peace out.

Nostalgia hits...

Me = Homesick
Why? = No damn clue.
I miss = Food. Friends. Atmosphere. Cheap stuff. Yup!
Cant wait = To go home. For exams. To finish high school.

After being here for almost a year, it seems like time has flown by so fast. When I think about it, what have i achieved in this "almost a year"? I've kinda settled in, started taking things for granted as usual, and just lived life from day to day. I've made new friends, but at the same time, I feel almost reluctant to let go of my Malaysian self, and my Malaysian life and friends. It just seems like a big BIG part of me, specially here. Actually, the fact that i still refer to Malaysia as "home", should already give u an idea how much of me it really is. But yeah, in the time that i've been here, i've been hit, for the first time since coming here, with a slight bout of homesickness. Well, I suppose if i wanted to properly tell this story, I must start at the beginning of it all. So, here goes...

Dad came over, with my grandma last friday. He brought with him all the good stuffs we've lived without for ages-mooncakes, muruku and all those assorted snacks that u dont really appreciate enough til it's not easy to obtain. Then, last long weekend i decided to watch a Man U game, which i'm glad to say, we kicked Liverpool's arse, but just staying up to watch was something i hadn't done in AGES. But all that came to a head today. We went out for lunch at Penmure, at this Indian managed shop, with a Penang chef!! Char Kuey Teow was GREAT! Better than heaps i've eaten in a long while, Malaysia or NZ. The layout of the shop, totally like a Kai Fan place, with chickens and char siu hanging for display behind a metal-glass pane, the kitchen exposed but enclosed by light pink-ish tiles, the shop filled with Malaysians-Indians, Chinese, even Malay ppl dribbling in and out, using la-s and ma-s, just like we do.

For that 30-40 mins of lunch, I felt like I was back home..in Malaysia, sitting in some random mamak store, eating mi goreng and being served teh tarik by an old-ish Indian man(which, really did happen..), and it felt great! The power of food, i had not eaten in about 3 months +, not as good anyways, the familiarity of the setting drew me in and transported me back to the place I truly want to be at, hanging out with old friends at mamak stores, yam cha-ing at kopitiams, and at the same time, I'm greedy in the sense that I wish for the best of both worlds. The beautiful scenery of NZ, the good tasting food of Msia, both the open, usually friendly Kiwis, to the noisy but usually more concerned with putting up appearances M'sians, nice NZ weather, but with M'sian predictability, Great NZ bus system, taking u to places with M'sia's busy atmosphere. Haha, they say the grass is always greener on the other side? I reckon the grass is at it's green-EST, when u sit on a low fence and have a foot on either side of the grass!

Exams Start: 20th Nov
Exams End: 7th Dec
Coming Back: 8th, 11th or 14th Dec

Can't freaking WAIT!

U know what I did last long weekend?

Heyas!
Hope u got the intended pun of a title(on I know what u did last summer..i know..cliche, but i couldnt help it!). Anyways, i've been meaning to post this for a while now, but just been really lazy la(plus, dont even have the excuse of assignments and internals to hide behind this time!). So yeah, last long weekend, like 4 days back, i went on a trip south-ish, to Whangamata and ALMOST to Coromandel (We couldnt make it there coz my uncle's brake was starting to screw up..lol). So anyways, I grabbed some pretty nice pics ( i think anyways..) of the scenery, which, if i might add, was AWESOME! So, here goes!

A pic taken at the back of where we stayed, my uncle's friend's batch, or a holiday home sorta thing. As u can see, it's backed by ferns, and a forest way behind that. It was a pretty small place tho, with barely enough room for the 8 of us.

Lol, my sis with the alpacas. They're actually really cute, and they look really fake =p

Some of the awesome scenery on the way back around the Coromandel peninsula. This was taken from the car, so my hand was a lil senget la..

More roadside footage from inside the car. Daym, those 4 lucky ppl! They're out there at high tide too! Walking in the sea is just an awesome feeling!

Ahhh..stupid blogger won't let me upload more than 4 pics. Oh well, these are all ur getting, coz i'm too lazy to post any more. Tho, if i feel hardworking enough, i might post some up on my photobucket, which can be accessed via my sidebar. Hope the pics didn't disappoint! Til next time, peace out!

So Lost in LOST!

First things first, does anyone even watch it anymore? Anyone but me that is..Good news is, Season 3 is OUT! First 2 eps are out, and i've only seen the first, currently downloading the 2nd. However, all i can say is, OMFG..the plot just keeps getting more and more twisted! Ahhhhhhh, once again, i'm caught up in all the suspense and drama, and i just CANT get enough!

Writer's Block..PWNED!

Wahahahahaa! As it says in the title..I SHOWED THAT WRITER'S BLOCK WHO'S BOSS! And, i finished my assignment, so Woooottt!!*throws party*

I...feel.....no..it can't be..Nooooo!!!!...WRITER'S BLOCK!!

and I have an English assignment due in tomorrow as well...Curse my luck!

As is expected, I can totally think of nothing to write about right now. The words just won't form in complete, coherent sentences in my head! I mean, it's like..I have the ideas, just that they won't be expressed through the words that they need to be. Ahh, i feel like a drama queen complaining like this, but this is MY blog, and I need to vent, so I reserve the right to do so!

Honestly? I feel like a musician without his instrument, an artist without painting tools, or a swordsman without a sword. (Sheesh, i couldn't even get thru this sentence without having to stop to think of what to write..) Maybe it's all the stress of this being an actual internal that counts. Maybe it's just sitting in front of the computer too long. Maybe it's 'coz my muscles are aching from the badminton yesterday. All the buts and maybes..Sigh

*END OF RANT*

"That day, the world saw evil, but it also saw the good side of the human spirit. People helping other people for no other reason than it was the right thing to do"

Just got back from watching World Trade Center, and i must say, it's a good movie, despite the mixed reviews it's gotten. It was, really emotionally charged, with images and soundtrack blended to jerk emotions out of us. I'm willing to bet that at least 90% of the people in the cinema with us had tears in their eyes, and there were even girls who were sobbing(really loudly actually).

As for me, it brought tears to my eyes. Surprisingly tho, it wasn't during the parts where they were in pain, it wasnt during the parts when they were about to die, nor even at the parts where they lost their friend who was trying to help them. I felt it the most the times when i saw hundreds of people working their asses off to save the 2 policemen trapped under the rubble. I very nearly bawled my eyes off watching their wives and children worry about them. It nearly broke my heart watching the little girl ask her pregnant mom "Mommy, is daddy coming home?"

Imo, one of the most touching scenes of the movie was when John sees his wife talking to him in his mind's eye, telling him to come home. It just felt so sad, knowing that he could lose all that, knowing that he tried his hardest, and was in that situation because he wanted to help. Of course, like any movie's true heroes, the two policemen survived and made it thru that incident. What struck me most however, was the amount of people cheering and working together to help look for survivors in the wreck of the Twin Towers, and how the presence and involvement of a few more people could make a huge difference.

There was the civilian turned paramedic who said "I've finally figured out what I do best, helping people" or something to that effect, and voluntarily stayed on to try and help the injured victims and police and firemen, knowing fully that the wreckage could collapse and kill them all at any time. Also, there was the retired Marine who came to help, and finally located the two policemen, ultimately saving their lives. Imagine if he decided not to come. That would be two less lives saved, and God only knows what else he did to help. A police team came all the way from Wisconsin to help, saying only that "When we heard the news, we had to come help."

What i'm getting at is, it's only in the face of a disaster that we really stick together. There's nothing like death to bring humans together, to help each other, for no other reason than because it's the right thing to do. Lives were saved that day, and so much achieved because of the dedication of the individuals involved, giving up so much so that they may serve their country and their fellow men. It makes me wonder why we dont do it more often. Why, when we see people in trouble we dont always go to their aid, but think, "it's not my problem." ?

I know, it's often been preached, and not many of us practice it. However, this is my pledge. I'll never leave someone in trouble if it is within my power to help.

Gladiator-Russell Crowe shines!

So yesterday, I finally watched Gladiator the movie, though it was released in 2000. 6 years later, a bored Ian watched Russell Crowe's first major film, and i must say, i can see why it propelled his career to the heights that he is at now.
Yes Jeremy (Tee), you were right, it's an awesome film which i have no doubt i could watch a second time. The fight scenes were good, and memorable, with Crowe's character, General Maximus, being the dominant gladiator, but not overly so. We see him struggle to defeat some opponents, we see the odds stacked against him, but in the end, though he wins, those wins are more believable than other, more manufactured movies.
Crowe plays Maximus superbly, with his charisma and presence on the screen. It's really not hard to believe that men would follow someone like that-to the death. "Strength and Honor" he says to his men before battles, and he embodies these qualities throughout the film, once again, full credit to Crowe's acting.
Also, i really liked the soundtrack on the film, with the sopranos here and there, and the kind of spiritual yet eerie music a la Enya's songs for LOTR really fits the moods and kinda even makes ur hair stand on end. I've also watched the HBO series ROME, but honestly, it doesnt really match up to Gladiator in terms of sheer cinematography as well as plot.
So if you're like me and you havent seen it, it's definitely worth a watch.
My final verdict: 4.5 stars

Angst!!!

Ok ppl, i dunno why, i just got back from watching DoA, and some things happened, and i got some inspiration for an angsty post. I'm gonna try my hand at writing some angsty poetry, so if u dont like angst, close ur eyes boys and girls, and scroll all the way down k? Good boy/girl.

Who are you?
Asking me all these questions,
Telling me what i must or must not say,
Trying to control the way I act,
The way i dress, the way i think!


You have no right,
Telling me what to say,
Or getting in my face this way;


You have no right,
Treating me this way,
Telling me all i'm doing is wrong,
When all i wanna do,
Is to just be strong,
Strong enough to be who i am,
Free from you.


I don't need you,
Controlling what i can or cannot do,
what i should or should not tell,
So just go to hell.


You have no right,
To tell me what to wear,
Or how to do my hair,
Do i make myself clear?


My life is mine, my life is mine,
You have no right,
My life is MINE!
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!!

Yeah, so that was it. Dont worry or anything, i'm totally fine. Just like i said..i got inspiration to write this, so i did. Tell me what u think? Too angsty? I think it might've been a lil too fragmented hehe.

Shuffle!

Yes ppl, I am BOOOREED! Saw this on friendster, but didnt wanna do it til i had my full music collection, which is on my sis's PC, so now, here i am(she's watching a movie on my laptop). Bring it!

1.) How am I feeling today? Perfect-Simple Plan
wow, never knew i had that..

2.) Where will I get married? I lay my love on you-Westlife
No Comment la..haha

3.) What is my best friend's theme song? You and Me-Lifehouse
haha..best "friend" eh?

4.) What is/was highschool like? Jiang Nan-Lin Jun Jie
Jiang Nan indeed..

5.) What is the best thing about me? All I ask of You-Phantom of the Opera
This just doesnt make sense oO

6.) How is today going to be? Miss You Like Crazy-Moffatts
In case ur wondering, you refers to YOU!

7.) What is in store for this weekend? Tears and Rain-James Blunt
WHAT?! D=

8.) What song describes my parents? Sadness and Sorrow-Toshiro Matsuda
Nah, no way!

9.) How is my life going? When you come back to me again-Forgot the artist name ler..

10.) What song will they play at my funeral? Can you feel my world?-Lee Hom
haha..bring it!

11.) How does the world see me? Where do i go from here?-pocahontas 2
lol, u tell me..

12.) What do my friends really think of me? Miss you nights-Westlife
hehe..weird..

13) Do people secretly lust after me? Big Pimpin/Papercut-Jay Z/Linkin Park
i'll take that as a yes..hahaha

14.) How can I make myself happy? Overjoyed-Stevie Wonder
haha, no need la..overjoyed already

15.) What should I do with my life? Uptown Girl-Billy Joel(original FTW)
yeah..haha..spend my life chasing an uptown girl eh..

16.) Will I ever have children? Jigga What/Faint-JayZ/Linkin Park
Lol, "Jigga what?!"*faints*

17.) What is some good advice? Hero-Toshiro Matsuda
hahaha..Jadilah Hero hari ini, guna Tongkat Ali! Hahaha, sorry, just randomly popped into my head

18.) What do I think my current theme song is? It's My Life-Bon Jovi
Hell yeah!

19.) What does everyone else think my current life? Simple and Clean-Utada Hikaru
Take THAT u dirty minded ppl!

20.) What type of men/women do you like? This Love-Maroon5 ft Kanye West
haha..make of it what u will

21.) Will you get married? I've been waiting-The Rasmus
Lols..really?Too..YOUNG!

22.) What should I do with my love life? Come get some-Rooster
rofl!

23.) Where will you live? My Way-Il Divo
haha..i'll buy a road and name it My Way

24.) What will your dying words be? What a Wonderful World-Louis Armstrong
haha..of course, of course!

25.) When im having sex i say..Ulimate Secrets-Toshiro Matsuda
lol, since this is a Naruto theme, more like Ultimate Secret no Jutsu!

26.) When I meet a girl for the first time i say..Feelings-Il Divo
righht...

27.) When my parents are angry i say..Breakaway-Kelly Clarkson
haha..and get a slap..

Poof! Holidays..Almost a year gone by..

Finally! 2 weeks holiday break. What am I gonna do tho? Not too sure yet, but the prospect of no school is always an appealing one. Still, i've got some work to catch up with, and i dont think i'll start studying just yet, but will definitely have to get my materials ready for the final NCEA exam.

Last day of school today, we went to the zoo for a bio field trip. Honestly ler, nothing special la. It's got all the standard zoo animals-lions, tigers, elephants etc. But surprisingly, the main attractions were orangutans. It's pretty unreal that the ppl here kinda appreciate that the orangutans are rare, and possibly endangered, whereas back home in malaysia, we hear of illegal orangutan poaching, and mostly we think, oh, there's plenty more in the jungle la..

Course, this really wasnt the first time i've seen an orangutan. I've even held a baby one once, i cant remember where i was on holiday la-one of the places in malaysia, so to me it was nothing special, but teachers, zookeepers etc, keep talking about the orangutan, like it was really all that important to the evolutionary chain and stuff. Well, what i'm trying to say is, maybe we do have a bigger part to play in the history of the world, and the history of man than we know it, just that, we're not really being responsible enough to conserve that uniqueness. The animals in the zoo are also pretty close to u, we actually nearly touched some Emus(we all chickened out la..), had larikeets flying over our heads and barely miss us, and even fed the baboon 2 apples(shh..don't tell la..). I've been to KL Zoo once, i dunno how many thousand years ago, and imho, the biggest difference is that the Auckland Zoo is C-L-E-A-N. It gives the kind of secure, nice feel to the place, whereas back home, the zoo feels really dirty and cooped up. The last time i was there anyways, so hopefully it's better now.

Time really flies. It feels like just yesterday i was back for the mid year holidays, having a great time with all yous. It's surreal how we get caught up in our lives, and never realise it, and suddenly, so much time has passed. It definitely doesnt feel like a school year that i've been here for. At times, i feel like i've lived here for more than a year and it's like..whoa..has it only been ONE year? At other times, i feel like..whoa, the school year's just flown by..shit..what have i learnt? haha. Yes, i probably regret all the friends i could have made, all the times i should have said something, all the things i should have done, here and back home, but yeah, i guess, that's the way with life-you either do, or you dont, and if you dont, there's no point looking back.

Even as i sit here reminiscing, seconds and even minutes of life dribble by and i wonder, what did i not do that i would look back to and say.."Damn, i wish i did that.." or something to that effect.

Guess who messed up again...

Did u guess Ian? Smart! That's the right answer!

First of all-Fuck-loh. Got most of my mock results back. Yep, you guessed it-not good. Yes, I'll admit it, i mucked up, big time, thinking it didnt matter..thinking it was only mocks. While that's true, my character..no..my EGO, won't let me take such a beating without beating up myself-loh.

First off, here's a summary of grades:

E=Excellence(Best one la..)

M=Merit(Guess u could call it a B, but not really as well, coz it depends on the sub)

A=Achieved(Standard pass)

N=Fail

I got, 3Ms for Chem, missing out on the E by 1 bloody question for each of them, and that's not even the frustrating bit. For 2 of the papers, 1 of them i COULDA gotten it, but i forgot my "-" sign for a combustion reaction, and the 2nd one, i did,

-1.67V-1.20V=-1.87V

Which cost me the excellence. The third one, not much complaints la, coulda shoulda woulda gotten it, but just didnt.

Calc, I'm pretty frustrated/disappointed with myself, although the exams were admittedly kinda difficult. I got an M for differentiation, and an A each for Integration and Conics. I don't know why, maybe it's the lack of practice, my maths skills just aint the same since i've been here. Guess maybe it's time to step it up a notch eh?

Here comes the killer blow. English. 2Ns(yes, that's right, i fucken failed 2 papers!), a "High M+"(whatever that means) and an E(which, my teacher claims, was one of the best essays he's ever read on the subject-which, was Shakespeare, believe it or not). Well, the only excuse I can offer (lame tho it might seem), is that 1 of the papers i failed, i have had no prior experience or exposure to such papers. Anyhow, most of my class failed, but well, it's like I said, what good is that knowledge if i fail too? And the other paper i failed, i'm not really sure eh. I've requested my teacher to have a 2nd look at it, at least just to tell me why he thinks i might've failed(coz the papers are marked by several different teachers), so yeah, i guess i'll just have to wait n see how that goes. The E did kinda help soften the blow for me a lil, i was in shock when i received my first 2 papers(the 2 Ns, obviously), tho i did expect to fail one of them, i really hated seeing it come true. I dunno eh, the last time i failed was like..ages ago, maybe PTS.

So yeah, today has definitely NOT been a good day. I was pretty crushed receiving those 2 fails at the end of the day too. I mean yeah, "there's more to life than living up to expectations", but i can't help it. I hate being a failure, I hate failing, and not just that, I know i'm better than that!

Which reminds me, I havent actually replied that text msg. I just, can't fail, not when i know there are ppl who believe in me-not in front of them. It may sound a little dramatic, but that's been my main inspiration over the years. As it is now, I'm only picking myself up so I can give it another go(my finals, the ones that count), and not let those ppl down again. After that, who knows?

Well, I might be getting Bio back 2morrow, or maybe not, and maybe Media as well, though my Media teacher said most ppl mucked up half of the exam, so i can't get my hopes up, and Bio, has always been tricky, tho it's my best sub. I dunno, I hope it's better news tomorrow, but I really dunno. It's been humbling so far, crushing even. On the bright side tho(as if eh..), i guess it might be a springboard for me to work harder(hopefully), and make it good when it counts.

Mm, I'm sorry for that emo-ish post. Guess it was all that frustration bottled up in me. I can't let it out anywhere else, so here's a good place as any. I don't really wanna worry anybody eh. I'm still fine, just a lil bummed atm. Once again, sorry..for everything.

A Brief Respite.

YES! Exams are over. I dont even wat to think about how I did, 'coz i'm pretty sure, it sucked.

Finally, I get the rest i've been craving for, and now i realise..I prefer exam period, coz there's less schooling to be done. Less teaching means less homework, which also means less trouble. Exams kinda get me to focus on one thing only, that is, the exams. Now, i've gotta face the inevitable things that i've been putting off for so long..assignments(SHIT). Guess, won't be today tho, I will try to get some done tomorrow. Most pressing is writing my media article, coz i want my teacher to proof read it.

Lately, i've come to realise that i'm not as good as i thought i would be at writing this damned travel article. Fiction, is the easiest to write, coz I can make stuff up, and being the author, i am allowed liberty with the storyline. Writing facts however, is a lil more challenging-especially since it's descriptive facts, and with no personal experience, i am limited to pictures from the internet to tell me what i need to write about. It's not that i'm losing faith in my writings-i never had much actually. It's more like, it's troublesome, and that bothers me.

Ahh, the human soul. Ever insatiable, ever dissatisfied. Whenever we're content with something, something happens, and that contentment never lasts long. Wonder why we're made this way..or maybe it's just me.

Ps: I've been thinking, and been getting a couple of comments from the ppl who know me. Yes, I know this is a lil late to those of you i've asked, but u'll have to forgive me, my thinking's been delayed by 2 or so weeks. In fact, my EVERYTHING's been delayed 2 or so weeks, just for exams. So yeah, i've been called "sensitive" by Grace and a couple other ppl, so i'd like to know what u guys think. Am I? Really? 'Preciate the opinion.

Peace Out.

Wee! Media Over!

Yaya! Media exam over! More than 50% of my exams are DONE.
Blogging from school=illegal.
Msn in school= illegal.
Friendster in school=illegal.
Ian in school now=Teh BORED

Anyways, just checking in. Love doing illegal stuff ;). Laters!

Letargggyyyyyyyy...

Ugh, my gawd! I just can't seem to study! I've got English tomorrow and before u roll out all that "English..should be alright? Not that hard right?" WRONG. It's painfully difficult to score really well in English. Yes, I mean, I'm an okay writer, i know that, but when it comes to memorising..I'm SOOO crap. Shakespeare especially..God only knows what he's on about, writing plays about demented geniuses who have a tragic side to them, just to appease QE 1. And the language, WHY?! Thees Thous Thys..they're driving me nutso! So that is why i am here-blogging.

Well, this weekend hasn't exactly been really productive for me. Let's take a quick recap shall we?

Friday: Well, i figured i'd just finished my Chem exam, n it was pretty tough, so i'd take a break. Talked to friends on msn, watched movies(Amadeus was actually really good, and i so wanna hear Dies Irae now.), and studying? What's that? Ohhh..that..0-period.

Saturday: Woot! Long weekend! Did just a teensy bit of studying, and chat with karen for hours on end. Couldnt wait til 9pm that night. High point of the day however, was followed immediately by low point of the day when my freaking credit ran out. Jesus fucking Christ, does the worst possible thing have to happen at the worst possible moment?! Spent the rest of the night whining to karen and grace and moping around.

Sunday: From the get go i knew something had to be done. Finished another part of bio(reading only), and tried to do some english, but totally failed and gave over to reading Naruto manga and watching Naruto pwn Sasuke all day. In the end, read some Richard III and still hate Shakespeare. (Honestly, someone shoulda taken that boy by the hair and SMACKED him everytime he wrote a word, and told him, "You Suck! Stop writing and get a life!").

Monday: Started out pretty awesomely. I studied in the morning, got all my poetry sussed n all, then got caught again in the online trap. Tried to come on to download some past year unfamiliar text questions, but turns out.."Due to copyright reasons, sample of the extracted text cannot be provided here, See statement below" WHAT...THE....F....U....C....K??!! What's the point in putting up past year test papers if the extracts arent going to be provided because of FUCKING COPYRIGHT REASONS! What do u think i'm going to do with it?! Mass print and distribute?! It's already on the f***ing net! So yeah, I'm sposed to be reading Richard III and picking out quotes, but honestly, I really can't be bothered to anymore..only God knows why. Still got One flew over the cuckoo's nest to go, but that at least isnt as bad. Milos Foreman's actually a pretty good director, and it's not a hard film to watch and write about actually. Just gotta pick out some quotes. It's this Shakespeare thing that's got me riled up, and the unfamiliar texts too. I just hate it when I'm going into an exam with that much of a disadvantage, it just plain sucks.

Anyways, sorry for being all emo n stuff, but yeah, now u know. Coming here is always a risk in itself. I reserve the right to swear and be emo as much as I want. Close your eyes kid, and don't try this at home. Gonna sign off and get back to memorising that bloody play. Ciaos all!

What coulda happened on my first ever day in school?!

The first time i randomly generated this, I got:

What will happen on the first day of school?
• Karen will try to make out with you because they are drunk
• Jho will bite you in the butt
• Kevin will cry about summer being over
• Shashi will bitchslap your teacher when they give you detention
• Gl will eat their lunch and yours while tearfully recounting their summer

What will happen on the first day of school?

• Karen will set off the fire alarm so that you don't have to go back to school

• Jho will skip the first day... and probably the second

• Kevin will cry about summer being over

• Shashi will bite you in the butt

• GL will come to school drunken and fall into a garbage can

'What will happen on the first day of school?' at QuizGalaxy.com

The "How Asian Are You" Check..

Yep, I stole this off Kei Li's blog, and i think i've seen it b4, but this is a measure of how bored I am, redoing this. S0, here goes!

[x] You take your shoes off before entering the house
[x] You eat rice often.
[/] You use chopsticks. (Sporks FTW baby!)
[x] You can speak an asian language.
[x] Your parents want good grades from you.
[x] Your parents insist you don't date until college. (they used to..i think..)
[ ] Your parents want you to go to Berkeley orsome other good university like that.
[x] Your parents believe in Feng Shui.
[x] You listen to those horoscopes/zodiac signs. (Hey, listening's not believing aye?)
[x] Your parents love to gossip with the other parents about you. (oh hell..yeah..)
[ ] You have relatives other than your immediatefamily living with you.
[x]Most or all of your friends are asian.
[ ] You don't even know 10 people who aren't asian.
[x]Your ancestors came from Asia. (DOH..)
[ ] You are obsessed with the computer and can't get enough.
[ ] You know how to put a computer together.
[x] You listen to asian music. (A bit-la)
[x] You can actually understand the lyrics. (same la, a bit..)
[x] You have to keep things from your parents, even if they're not bad, because you know they'd THINK it's bad. (Heck yes!)
[x] Your relatives love to bring you clothes that are bright in color with cute cartoons on them.
(Hahahahaha...They USED to..which is why i have mickey and like garfield tshirts, thanks to them, and to mom >.>)
[/] You love your ethnic food. (i wonder if i can put half a tick..)
[x] You have taken/still take piano and/or violin. (I am beginning to think i am so asian LOL)
[ ] Classical music is the best music ever, next toasian music.
[x] You are good at math. (Kinda good i guess..not bad..)

Time to multiply by 4. 17 X 4..Grand total of 68% Asian. Hmm, i can live with that. I'm Asian, but not too Asian. I dont really wanna end up like those Cina Apeks we see the world over. C'mon, we've had enough of them in school, in business..abroad. Pssshh..most of them are just a disgrace to the Chinese name, and coz of them i'm even ashamed of calling myself Asian when they're around.

Anyhow, I probably should be studying. English on Tuesday, Media Wednesday, and Bio on Friday. Something's up tonight at 9 pm too. Hope i get the guts to do it! =p

Ciao monamis!

Ahaha, here we go again!

Life, is a freaking bloody cycle. Especially SCHOOL life. Go to school, come back from school, eat dinner, go to bed. Wake up, go to school, come back from school, eat dinner, bed. Suddenly, Exams.

Yup, finals are here, or mocks..different words, same thing. Thing is, I think i've been physically and mentally burned out by exams. Taken too many in this lifetime to last me another 2, hehe. So yeah, gone are the days when i used to be really anxious and stuff before exams. Nowadays, it's more like.."Oh, exams? OK..Faster finish la can or not?!"

I honestly dunno if i should really worry eh. One thing, I may sound complacent, but these exams dont really count for much 'cept my school report, which dont actually get looked at for university entrance. I still wanna do well, wanna prove myself and all, but yeah, i dunno why, i don't really feel all that motivated, or any urgency, if u will, to really study hard out. I am studying, but more of a laid back approach of study 45 mins, rest 20 mins..that kinda thing ya know?

Honestly, i think, as Malaysians, as Asians, we've been subjected to too many gruelling exams, and that has caused me to totally overlook exams as something so normal and commonplace, nothing to worry about.

The bottomline: I really should get studying, but i really dont wanna..Haih.

Super Size!

Yes, I have finally jumped on the bandwagon and watched Supersize Me by Morgan Spurlock(shown in pic above). What can i say? Oh, my god..I am so put off fast food for at least a month! I mean, sure..it's pretty absurd what he did, McD's 3 times a day for 30 days, and a total McD diet, but still..in 20 days, doctors told him to stop, coz they were afraid he'd kick it if he didnt, or some irreversible things would happen to him. How many times do u eat McD's in a month? Maybe 2-3 times for some..maybe just 1-2? Well, if that's the case, you'd probably have consumed as much as he has in the past 6 months or so, and in 20 days, his liver almost failed, he gained 20+ pounds, he almost doubled his heartattack risk after the 30 days and was experiencing mood swings. Imagine what it's doing to your body in the long run. It might be just an offshoot from just having finished watching the movie, but just thinking of fast food right now makes me feel a lil off, and even a little physically sick.

Gawd, honestly, if u eat McD's at all, this is a pretty much, must watch movie/documentary. And i doubt it's just McD, but most fast foods as well(somehow, subway's considered pretty healthy..but SOOO expensive D=). Nah, it doesnt mean i will turn into a health nut or anything, but definitely, less fast food from now on, and for sure, no bingeing. Only thing i'll binge is work hehe, coz that's who i am, i cant change it =p. I know ur probably thinking like "This dude is nuts!" or, "Stop being drawn into the film with the majority man!" but it's a real film, it's true, by no means a life-changing one, but it's just really gross how much crap is in the food(lol).

Tribute to Steve Irwin, The Croc Hunter

One way or another, we all know Steve Irwin. He's the Croc Hunter! Unless you've been living under a rock, you'd know that Steve's teh awesome. I mean, how many people in the world would, on a daily basis, handle, wrestle and put their heads into WILD crocodiles' mouths for a living?

Today, 4th Sept 2006, Steve Irwin was killed in an accident with a stingray off the Australian Coast. In a freak accident, he was stung right through the heart by its sting, and it is believed he died instantly.

Besides being "THE" croc man that we all believed to be invincible(honestly, I never had ANY doubt that he'd survive all those croc encounters), and the guy we all love to parody when making jokes, he's really a very good person. 2 months ago, I read an article about how he donates a proportion of his money from all of his tv shows, on a regular basis, to the Australian Zoo, in order to keep them running, and give the animals there a better home.

So no, although i do not know him, only thru his documentaries, I say, respects to the man. He's made a name for himself, and he's brave as hell. (He handles rattlesnakes and the like, with ease..) Tho 44 is not really old, I would say he's lived his life rather well, though we all cant help but go.."Ohh, his poor family.."(He has an 8 yr old daughter and a 2 year old son, and his wife).

Crikey, he was a big one mate!

Lost..AHHHHHHHHH!!

Hey, you there? Yes?

Ready to hear me vent? Coz honestly...i sooo need to right now..

Ahhhhh!!!OMG, i just watched the season finale of Lost, season 2(Yes, Finally..), and all that's going thru my mind right now is..WHAT....THE...........HELL????!!!!

Honestly, the storyline may be crazy, the sets may not be all that convincing, but i'll say one thing. The directors are GENIUSES..GENIUS! Mark my words!..They're absolute PRODIGIES at creating suspense. First off, the hatch and the button. I honestly wondered til the very end, who was right? Was it really something, or was it really nothing? And then, Desmond, maybe he really DID crash the plane. And what's gonna happen to Jack, Kate and Sawyer?? What was that 4 toed THING?! Russian guys in the North/South pole?! And guess what? It ended with a phone call to Penny..."I think we found it.." FOUND WHAT?! Was it all an experiment? Did Desmond survive? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............!!!!!

Oh boy..what a day..

It all began with that little ray of sunlight, peeking thru my curtains. Eyelids flickering, I resisted the urge to open my eyes, for i knew that once i did, it would have to be work work work work work..and study study study!

So yeah, no badminton today. Mom took us out for Jap food lunch, i had this sashimi bento set. Mmm mm good! Loved the wasabi, and i so totally miss green tea! (Note that i have not started studying at all). Then we got back, and i got on the com, watched some naruto, then started thinking about studying for a while. Finally, at 130 i think managed to put in a good solid 30 mins of studying, which covered like 1/4 of the material i managed to go thru the whole of today(which was roughly one workbooklet, with like 10 to go..hahaha..pathetic right?). Then, i was drawn to this reality show on channel E!, which if i may add, is freaking addictive once u get into it. It was about girls who were willing to stand on high heels, with one hand on a wedding dress for over 26 hours..just to win the dress(tho it was worth 10k, there were other rewards that they coulda gone for and only stayed there under 24 hours.)

So after 1 hour of mucking around, i got in another 30 mins or so of study-managed to get thru quite a bit of material as well. Then, my uncle called. He had webcam problems. Seriously, my whole family treats me like the multi purpose techinician u call when something goes wrong with..basically anything in ur household. So yeah, i had to guide him thru a program i had never used in ages(hate skype..sux! MSN ftw) but his graphics drives kept interfering with the camera driver, so we had to disable the video card drive in order for the com to sense the camera driver, stupid right?

Oh, before i left, i ate dinner, and somehow i managed to cook part of my hand. I reached into the oven for the bacon, and unknowingly, my hand traveled upwards, and my knuckle came into contact with the heating element. Luckily tho, i managed to pull away quickly enough so that only a small roundish hole was branded into my hand(it's like 1mm in diameter, and maybe 1mm deep) Anyhow, it hurt like mad, and it was all i could do to run for water to pour over my hand. Luckily i did the sensible thing, and put toothpaste on it, or i'm willing to bet it woulda pussed and bled and pussed some more, and eventually, the spot woulda been bigger.

Then, i came home, got online for a bit, then watched the bball game. I still cant believe USA actually lost to greece! So they were playing Argentina tonight, for the bronze, not the gold everyone belived they would both get a shot at. Dwayne Wade was awesome with the drives, and 3 pointers, and lebron..what can i say, i'm a fan for life.

So now here i am, seeking companionship in the comfort of my blog. But i'm so beat. I just realised how stereotypical my blog is..Ahh, who cares..if u dont like it..i never made u look.

Alright..i am feeling a little lightheaded suddenly, and can barely keep my eyes open, so i think i'll just go to bed now. Love y'alls for reading this..laters!

The Void

Hey y'alls!
Exams are coming and all. I don't think it's just for me, but for most people as well. God, do we hate exams! But hey, i may speak only for myself, but i would prefer exams that count, where we can study our hearts out for it, than coursework that counts, where u have to work hard nearly everyday, to ensure u get a good grade. Probably it's another instance of me being lazy again hehe.

Have you ever been "in the zone" as some people call it? I don't really know how to describe it, and it's really like one of those abstract things, like love, where you think you feel it, but you can never be quite sure it's there. My opinion on what it is, and my perspective of what i think it is, is that it's a state of heightened concentration, where your brain, and all your attention is focused on one thing, and one thing alone. I find that an integral part of taking exams to me, as i believe it really helps me in ways-like, if you kinda know something, but it's stuck at the back of your head somewhere n won't come out, being "in the zone" that'll never happen. It's as if you know things you dont normally know, and the things u know are so basic. You remember things you've read like ages ago, and minutes before the exam, had no time to even contemplate it. You just know what you want, and you're totally caught and focused in that moment in time. The consequences, forgotten..the results, totally irrellevant. All that matters is that particular subject of your attention-the question.

However, I think there are drawbacks. First off, it's not easy to get "into the zone", and it's like creating a void around yourself to create that sense of concentration. You block out everything and everyone, so time, sound, taste, weakness, illness..all suddenly become less important. It's all good during and before that period of time, but afterwards, the longer you keep it up, the more drained you'll be. I mean it, emotionally, physically, mentally...you'll feel totally devoid of substance. A shell of your person, it's made me lose my purpose today, and all i really want to do now, is nothing.

I can think of nothing, u could say anything, i wouldnt feel anything, and physically, my body feels like doing nothing that requires too much concious effort. It is times like these that i feel like i'm in a bubble, trapped, separated and alienated from the outside world. Their laughs dont reach me, their smiles fall short on me, their sorrow, pain and suffering are inconsequential to me. This..void I have built around me slowly saps on my energy lvls as well as my emotions.

I'm thankful that i am able to reach a state of heightened concentration, which i believe puts me "in the zone", but then again, it's a bother having to reassess your motivations and remind yourself that there is a long way to go after one of these intense concentration periods.

But yes, the purpose of this post..I have already forgotten. However, I hope u find it useful, or at the very least, let this be a record of my true feelings at this very time, in this very place.

MERDEKA!

Heyos! As a true Malaysian, I am obliged to publish this Merdeka day post, even tho I am not in Malaysia and am suffering from a total lack of sleep. However! I am proud to be Malaysian everyday! So although I honestly do not feel much of the Merdeka atmosphere or spirit, I believe it resides somewhere within me, thanks to a certain Mr Zahir.

Anyways, the 31st of August, the day we fucken pwned the British in the boardroom.(Yes Tunku, we're proud of you.) I remember it as only a public holiday back when i was back in Malaysia. Now that i'm not in Malaysia nemore tho, it seems to hold a little bit of extra importance, making sure that we don't forget our own national day, and as Justin said, feel at least a lil more proud today to be a Malaysian.

Yes, I am crapping, and so, i will go to bed. Malaysia Boleh!

*Insert Merdeka slogan for 2006 here*

While I Live..

"To be loved is nothing, it's to be preferred that I want"

I grabbed that quote of a great book I read in like 2 days. It's called "While I live" by John Marsden, and imho, it's really well written. I picked it up, started reading it during my free, coz someone(whose name totally escapes me atm) reccommended him to me once, so I thought i'd give it a go, and I just couldnt put it down!

Well, the story is set during a post war period, in Australia, or somewhere nearby I think. It's about this girl, Ellie Linton, who narrates throughout the novel, in first person, about her life. In the first chapter, she loses her parents, and then it all goes downhill from there. She fights to save the farm her father bought, fights to save her friend, and her relationship. School for her, is something she really wants to do, but she can't really keep up with it coz of all that's happening for her. The book brilliantly tells of all her hardships, how she has to fight her own custody battle, over who would have control of her finances, how she struggles to take care of the deaf kid her parents adopted, whom she finally came to see as a brother. It makes allusions to poems at times, and the pace is phenomenal. At times, it's slow and mellow, like when her parents die, and at others, it's electrifying and so exciting it gets ur adrenaline pumping. I guarantee you, it's one read u wont regret, so if u havent read it, go pick it up!

Well, on the topic of books n entertainment, I saw this trailer in the cinemas, the same day I watched Vice, of this movie called World Trade Center, with Nicholas Cage n stuff in it. Apparently, it's based on a true story, and imho, it's gonna be like a Ladder 49 kinda show, but OH MY GOD the trailer was good. It made me really wanna watch the show, and really empathise with the policemen in the show, all within 5 minutes. Ok ok, to give you a better picture, here's what I remember of it:

*Scene opens with a group policemen who are shocked to find a plane crash into the wtc.*

The seargeant goes, "ok, we've got to evacuate the building. Who's with me?". Slowly, one by one..a few of them push forward.."i'll go sarge"
While they're in there, they save some ppl and try to evacuate the panicked people. Then, the second plane hits the building and it collapses.

Seargeant shouts, "Ruuuuunnnnn", and a few men manage to escape.

*cut to a scene where 2 of them are shown*
they're lying on the ground, pinned by huge concrete slabs..
they cant get to each other..so all they can do is shout to each other..

*flashback*
u see them with their families..
a guy having sex with his wife..another with his son..
another with his parents..
and all this while..they feel like giving up..
the seargeant, who's also trapped..says.."You can still see the light..dont give up"

In desperation, one of them writes I <3>

*Screen goes black*

A montage of images flash on the screen of their lives, and their loves, and their efforts to escape.

Damn i really wanna watch it! Check out the webbie as well:

http://www.wtcmovie.com/

Auckland Special!AU Open Day + Movie Review: Miami Vice

So, today for the first time, we got the chance to check out Auckland U campus n stuff. Went a lil late to Ivan's house n reached there like 9+..missed the first few general lectures hehe. In the end, went to BSci lecture and like the Health Science dept talks. All in all, I pretty well know the path I -want- to take, just hope that I'll be able to get into Biomed then Medicine the next year. Mostly merits n above needed, I reckon i could fill that criteria, but so far..9 excellence credits and 8 merit credits, 4 achieved. Will just have to see how it goes at the end of the year eh.

Overall, I guess I kinda liked the atmosphere n stuff of AU. It's big and modern-ish, tho I didnt get the chance to check out the Health Science Faculty building. I actually havent seen many unis so I probably am in not the best position to judge, but GOD the library was HUGE AS! The campus? I was totally lost-enough said. Also, i reckon the best talk award I would give to the Biomedical Science speaker. It was totally awesome how he rapped about Biomeds, and I believe he wrote the lyrics himself too! A sample of lyrics i think i remembered:

"So you wanna do medicine and be a quack,
With biomeds you're on the right track!"

"Yo, Yo yo!
Your life begins as an embryo,
......"

Anyways, after that, we got bored, so we went to go watch a movie, which was complicated as well. I actually wanted to watch either "Dragon Tiger Gate" or "My Super Ex Girlfriend" but noooo, I went and finally watched "Miami Vice". Anyways, here's what I thought of it.

Honestly, if I had to use one word, i'd say, Superficial. 3 words? Cars, guns, sex. It's the Tokyo Drift type show la. Like, the storyline doesnt really matter, just the cars, the guns and the sex are the main attractions of the film. Ok, it doesnt help that Colin Farell(is that how u spell it?) and Gong Li have nearly 0 chemistry on screen. They just look like they wanna fuck each other all the time, not much in terms of "love" that sposedly develops during the film. Come on, it just felt awkward..Soo awkward. Most memorable scene to me? One of the team members blasts a freaking HOLE thru a kidnapper's head, luring him out of concentration by threatening.

"Boy, I can blow a hole in your medula, so you'll be dead from neck down, and ur body won't even know. You believe that?"
"I...."
*BAM!* (blood splatters everywhere, a hole is blasted in his head)

So overall, i'd give it 3.5 stars outta 5. An average grade of B+. Also, it portrayed Malaysia as being a jungle where drug dealers live! Bastards! Oh, another weakness of the film is that it plays a lot on stereotypes, like the controlling Chinese family thing, and the rebellious daughter, and like the black/latina police force, with just one white guy or 2. All that jazz..

Anyways, hope it's been useful. If u like films like what i've described as superficial, go watch Miami Vice, i'm sure u'll love it! Tootles!

We're all Africans! O_O!

So, first off, no offence to all of u who believe in the story of genesis, and that God created human beings, like perfectly, outta clay or a spare rib or something. Fossil evidence clearly suggests that we evolved from apes, which in turn evolved from monkeys and so on and so forth.

Well, DNA evidence suggests that all men come from a common ancestor, and that they have the same DNA strand, theoretically coming from a single person, or, biological Adam. And, biological Adam originated from Africa. Meaning, he was black. Consider the ramifications of this.

All white ppl were descended from blacks.

Even Asians are descended from blacks, seeing that a DNA analysis of women from all ethnicities trace the lines back to an African woman as well. So what u ask? Does this make white ppl superior, as evolution might have made our skin colour turn from black to white, and does it make us more than one species really? Or, if we look at it another way..are Asians, as the most populous ppl in the world, superior because natural selection chose more Asians to live than any others? To be honest, there isnt a way to tell.

Wanna know what I think? Well, doesnt matter, coz i'll tell u anyway. I say f*** that s***! Finding out we're all descended from the same ancestor does NOT mean we are one more evolved than the other, neither does it mean one of us are superior to others. We're all homo sapiens, until further notice. So why does racism occur? When you insult a guy for his skin colour, you are insulting your distant cousin(albeit many times removed), and especially if ur insulting that person's COLOUR in particular, consider that you are insulting your OWN forefather, biological Adam! So, to all you people who hate a certain race or colour out there, think twice before insulting someone's background, coz guess what? YOU HAVE THE SAME ONE IDIOT!

Bottom line: Racism sux, your stupid if you don't see that.

Ohmigosh..another one!

Here we go again..lol, i AM awfully bored tho, so i may as well..
7 Things about me.......

7 Things That Scare Me:
- Death
- Being Alone forever..losing all my friends that sorta thing
- turning gay(zomg..someone kill me if this really happens)
- torture(obviously..)
- letting people down..(which, at some point in my life, i prolly have already done)
- revealing too much about me
- losing all sense of sight and sound

7 Random Songs At The Moment:
- Mamma Mia
- Tears and Rain (i'm addicted!!)
- Eyes on Me
- Cry by Mandy Moore
- This is the night
- Do it to me
- Kiss goodbye

7 Things That I Like The Most:
- My laptop
- potato wedges (mm mm...good)
- My books
- My phone!
- The blue sweatshirt Kevin gave me for my bday 2 years ago whichihavenotworntilnow
- The number 3(ok, being a lil random here, but yes..i do like 3)
- my bed

7 Important Things In My Bedroom:
- The bed
- The person on the bed(Me la..what u thinking?)
- My laptop
- My watch
- My cell
- Wallet
- Sunnies

7 Random Facts About Me:
- I am down with the flu
- My mom hassles me to go to bed
- I am hoping to give blood 2morrow
- I sing in the shower
- I am totally outta ideas
- I dont sound like a kiwi, yet i doubt i sound like a fully fledged malaysian any longer
- I hate being protected..

7 Things I Said The Most:
- Awesome!
- "-lah!"
- Bleh
- Jesus F***ing Christ(sorry..habitual)
- Yup
- Sweet
- Aight

7 Things I Plan To Do Before I Die:
- Fall in love
- Write a book
- See every city in the world
- Save a life
- Have kids(yes, very important to continue the family!)
- Survive a real street scrap
- Commit a crime

7 People I Want To Pass This On To:
- Jho
- Jeremy
- Mawa
- Sandy jie jie
- Rach(u promised u'd come check it..Muahahaha)
- Some guy
- Some gal..

Kantoi kena tag..or just perasan

Wah, Jho's gotta have some psychic powers or something on his bday. Btw, it IS 22nd Aug, his bday that i'm writing this on. First time getting on his blog i got tagged..or did i?(God knows how many other Ians he knows..n god have mercy on them too..haha, jk)

AWESOME PPL I WOULD WANNA MEET
1. Jessica Alba, just coz she's hot, and it'd be great to get to know that person under all that hotness...*sizzles*
2. Shakespeare(if he really existed..)
3. Josh Groban, coz i honestly can't believe his voice'll sound that awesome in real life
4. Zidane, so i can tell him how stupid he is, and how i laughed when he got sent off
5. Robert Jordan
6. *** **

THINGS I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT
1. Water..doh..H2o ftw
2. My laptop
3. My cellphone(communication communication communication)
4. internet access(NZ's net is soo bloody *something*-ing bad)
5. A purpose

I WISH I COULD
1. Read people's minds(not with stalker intentions, it's just be cool..hey, least i didnt say see thru stuff ok?)
2. Move super fast
3. Fly, like, for real..flap my wings n fly baby!
4. Draw
5. control fire, it's obsession, i try it all the time..(kidding..or am i?)

I WANT
1. to go to uni ASAP(I cant believe someone feels the same way as I do)
2. A choice in everything i do
3. to be as rich as Bill Gates, not to be greedy or anything, but money makes the world go round, simple truth
4. to make a difference..somewhere, somehow, to someone
5. A better digital camera

SONGS THAT I THINK ARE AWESOME
1. Tears and Rain-James Blunt
2. Eyes on Me- Faye Wong
3. You Raise Me Up- Josh Groban
4. Kiss from a rose- Seal
5. Gallery- Mario Vasquez
6. I Believe I can Fly- R. Kelly
7. The World's Greatest- also R. Kelly i think..

HOW I SEE MYSELF IN 10 YEARS
1. hopefully alive..that's numero uno
2. starting to strike out on my own as a doctor
3. making a steady income
4. maybe seeing someone
5. definitely living away from my parents, but not that far

RANDOM FACTS
1. I still play RO (i hear the *gasp* s)
2. I'm shivering
3. The world is round

I TAG
You and You and YOU!*points randomly* Basically, if u've read this and not done it, DO IT

Virgin Post

Aight aight, so i was just dabbling around yesterday on the 3mouseblog and i just thought i'd give blogging another shot. I mean, yeah, i rant a lot on a lot of my other blogs, and this might end up to be the same, but as they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Anyways, i'm still trying to learn to customise the blog n stuff, and to totally make it "my own" n all, so give me some time aight? Also, i reserve the right to be lazy and totally give up on my blog at any time =p.

So anyways, had a pretty lazy day at school, started off with media where we did absolutely NOTHING, coz our teacher went to "finish off some stuff". To think we're supposed to finish all our media project preproduction work by next monday too. Well, i guess i dont blame her since she's kinda busy, added to the fact that she's pregnant too(The fact that she's really nice and generous with marks totally makes it alright with me =p). Anyways, yeah, bio, english, calc, chem..nothing much. We DID make this super long nylon thread for chem, which was really cool tho, i mean, u mix 2 liquid substances and u get a thread which u pull out seemingly endlessly from the liquid,.Simple, but really cool.

Anyways, it is getting warmer here, but i am falling sick. It's totally at odds with the weather conditions. The flu bug's going around tho, so i guess i musta caught it from somebody or maybe it was those 1-2 days that i felt strong enough to walk around the house with only a tshirt n shorts on. Bloody virus chooses to infect me outta so many ppl in my house. I wonder what would happen if someone develops a gene to stop ALL cell replication for a short period of time. THAT would kill off the virus quick enough, as well as possibly be a cancer cure, if not being able to regenerate cells doesnt kill the patient before that haha.

Well, i have run outta things to say, so i might leave it at that. Oh, maybe i'll recommend a book or 2 or a song or something, just to cap it off. I have just read the full version of "The Phantom of The Opera", and imo, it's great! It's mysterious, and intriguing. The full version is so totally worth the read. The love affair between Christine and Raoul is kinda depicted as less than perfect in the beginning, which only makes it more realistic, coz it kinda lets u in on Raoul's doubts and his misgivings, which we guys can probably relate to. The book also gives more insight into Christine's real feelings for the phantom, and how she's torn by her pity towards him, and her love for Raoul, which, imo, is awesome as well. So, dont be deterred by that lil book u read in form 2, go pick up a copy of the full version, or better yet, see if a library close by has it =)

Also, my song choice for today. If u have never heard James Blunt's Tears and Rain go download it or something. It's such an awesome song, i am so totally hooked! Anyhow, here's an FFVIII video clip featuring that song, courtesy of youtube.