I haven't been happy. If I'm being honest with myself, I haven't been truly happy for any extended period of time since then and I know why. I've laughed, I've lived, I've played, I've worked, but the fire in my eyes, the drive in my life. It's not there anymore.

I have tried to be okay, but the truth is I'm not. I'm not okay and who knows if I ever will be again.

But growing up and being an adult comes from learning lessons. Hurting is a lesson, maybe one of the best teachers of life. Growing up means taking the hurt like a man and straining to see through it to the lesson you're meant to learn. It means living with the consequences of your actions, your pride and your principles.

I wish I could say I was happy for her, but I cannot help but wonder why, and be more than a little offended.

But still, I am not okay.